Unless you’ve been living under the literal rock that is Sanford construction right now, then you probably heard we’re playing a football game this weekend. But not just any football game, the football game. This weekend’s face-off against App State ushers in not only the start of the new season, but the beginning of the glorious night game era. But with all this talk about kick-off times and primetime TV slots, we’ve forgotten what the true contest will be on Saturday: who has the better hipsters?? We can think of 4 reasons why Athens has better hipsters than App State, and we didn’t even have to try that hard.
4.) The Weather:
Everyone knows the first rule of hipsterdom is donning inappropriate attire for the weather. Since we’re not in the mountains, Athens is basically a swamp 10 months out of the year, which means our hipsters can ridiculously sport neck scarves and beanies far later into the years than their (Boo)ne counterparts. What do you mean, you actually need scarves in the cold? Wenches.
3.) The Food:
Reason numero dos of hipsterdom? You have to eat fancy food. And let’s face it, Boone, North Carolina’s lone IHOP isn’t exactly Zagat rated. Luckily for our Athens hipsters, there’s enough reimagined southern comfort cuisine to be pretentious about for next hundred years. You could work your way from Prince to Broad and it would take you 10 years to taste every artisanal grilled cheese that Athens has to offer.
2.) The Beer:
What would a hipster be if not an expert in home brewing kits and adequate ratios of hops? Here in Athens, learning your local craft beer is a rite of passage for everyone, even the Greeks. If you’re an Ath hipster, though, the stakes are even higher. You wouldn’t dare name one of Creature or Terrapin’s year-rounders as your personal fav, no sir. It’s Periwinkle Paisley Scarf IPA only for you and your refined tastes. What was that App State? You’ll have a Bud Light? Yeah, that’s what we thought.
1.) The Music Scene:
“What? Yeah. But we have R.E.M.” It’s true, though. You can’t really compete with living in the birthplace of rock ‘n roll movers and shakers like R.E.M., The B-52s, and… Corey Smith? Anyway, nevermind that. We have more venues than Boone has public restrooms, so the App State hipsters really can’t out-hipster us there, either. Guess it’s back to downloading cool songs off your Discover Weeklys, uncultured Appalachians.
When it comes down to it, game days are never really about the football, are they? They are highly intoxicated events designed for the student body of two schools to congregate under the pretext of and make a loud and slurred pissing contest out of. So here’s to the one thing we’ll do better than App State this Saturday, just in case it isn’t football.