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5 Luxuries from Your Parents’ House Your Athens’ Residence Really Needs (But Doesn’t Deserve)


Spring, like any new season, means the inevitable journey home to mom and dad’s. Sure, this is an ideal time to grab your spring clothes, but it’s an even better opportunity to borrow (i.e. steal) some of the luxuries your salary-making parents take for granted each day. Your crummy apartment could use some new décor, so make sure you grab these items on your next trip to suburbia.


5.) The World’s Softest Toilet Paper:
You thought your Lay-Z-Shopper 2-Ply was worth the splurge? Guess you didn’t know your parents have secret adult knowledge of 10-Ply Cotton-Laced Hand-Knitted TP (by Johnson & Johnson). Feel free to take one of the bulk 20-roll counts from mom’s doomsday-prepped storage closet. She’ll be none the wiser.


4.) Snacks on Snacks:
You’ve been out of the house for some time now, so why are there still this many cartoon-faced snacks in the pantry? What is this, kindergarten? Given there’s an iCarly poster still up in your bedroom, I could’ve sworn we were the kids in the house. Maybe those empty boxes of Poptarts in the pantry meant Dad liked them, too. Who knew? Either way, stock up on some Cheez-It Gripz for yourself – if they still make those, that is.


3.) Fresh Baked (At One Point in Time) Cookies:
If your mom fits the mold of the traditional household baker, then lucky you, we hope the word snickerdoodle hasn’t become any less fun to say. But if your mom is more of the cookie-cutter variety, that’s okay, because your mom’s got the next best thing: the purchasing power of a major credit card! Where home baked cookies don’t rise to the occasion, school bake sales, girl scout cookies, and even raw cookie dough will satisfy those cookie cravings better than a double chocolate chip from Bolton.


2.) The Same Frickin’ Clothes You Took Home:
Your time away from Athens might be a week or a weekend long, but that sure won’t stop you from bringing home a semester’s worth of clothes, you know, just in case something important comes up – because who knows what sort of outlandish festivities might occur in Waynesboro, Georgia on a Tuesday morning? I hear the middle school is putting on Young Frankenstein next week, maybe you’ll wear your best interview suit to opening night. No? Well, guess it’ll stay untouched in your duffel bag like every trip home. At least you don’t have to repack!


1.) The Family Dog:
Owning a pet of any kind is a luxury in itself, but that luxury means nothing when a certain set of parents are at their big, important office job all day while the little pup stays home alone. Think of the whimpering, think of those eyes! And think of all the potential lovin’ that doggo’s just begging to let out. Now think of all the free time we college students have on our hands back in Athens. See what I’m getting at? Give your parents one less thing to worry about. Mooch the pooch.


Hopefully your parents’ luxuries will finally help feng shui your dorm to your liking, or at the very least distract guests from the smell. On second thought, maybe there’s a reason you don’t have nice things.


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