With finals on the horizon, you’ll probably be wanting to die at least once. But no need to worry, we already have this list of ways to almost die and get out of some finals without actually having to kick the bucket. Because that would totally ~kill~ your summer vibes.
5.) Jump Out of the 9th Floor West Wing of Russell Hall:
Because RuHa. And because we all know it can be done. We also think that there must be something special, and by something special we mean some sort of force field, around the West Wing, so be sure to take all your jumping endeavors right on over to 9-West. This tactic is the perfect combatant to a stressful finals week because on top of getting out of taking tests, this jump will give you the Facebook fame fix you’ve been needing for so long.
4.) Just Barely Dodge the “Immobile” But Very Mobile Train on East Campus Road:
Whoever started the rumor that this train is immobile clearly did not understand what the word meant. So when you go to graffiti the walls of some Athens train trestle in your rage of student angst, be sure to finish your tag before just barely dodging the oncoming train. And even if you get hit, you’ll surely only almost die. And you definitely won’t have to take your finals due to having train tracks across your face.
3.) Get Trampled By General Tso’s Lovers During a Bolton Class Change:
The last General-Tso’s in Bolton day of the year should be a freakin’ holiday. People already skip their classes to stand in line and wait for a fresh batch to be put out. It’s most certainly a final-cancelling ordeal, but getting trampled in the crosswalk on your way into Bolton is a good Plan-B to pitch to your professor if the General Tso’s holiday idea isn’t well received.
2.) Mortify Yourself By Asking Who UGA Is Playing for G-Day:
When we say you would die of embarrassment, we don’t take that lightly. When you don’t know that red is UGA and black is…also UGA, G-Day can be a completely mortifying experience. And we’re sure that your professors will totally understand this death via embarrassment and create an extension for your final so that you have time to mourn your social reputation. Be sure to wear black. Just like our O-Line.
1.) Stay in a North Campus Bathroom for More Than Ten Minutes:
Whether the line is tremendously long or you’ve really gotta go, if you spend too much time in one of the ancient bathrooms of North Campus, you’re sure to almost suffocate due to lack of nutrient-rich oxygen. It smells so bad in there. Like so bad. And what would be better than getting out of your final just by going to the bathroom! If you come back to the classroom with oxygen-deprived skin, your professor is sure to let you off. Talk about minimal effort!
We here at The Black Sheep feel your final-taking pain, and we hope these ways to almost die help ease some of it. We hope that your near-death UGA experiences are the ones you remember! Go Dawgs!