Tired of reading Shannon’s Odyssey article, an open letter to women who think it’s okay to not think it’s okay to think it’s okay to not be a feminist? Tired of Cheetohesque businessmen turned politicians spewing “alternative facts”? Well The Black Sheep’s got news for you. We’ve come up with a complete list of better things you could be doing with your time in between classes in the MLC than read the annoying political Facebook posts of your undereducated hometown friends!
6.) Your Homework:
We know, we know, why would you ever get ahead in your classes when you could be looking at these fantastic photos of fat Emma Stone?! But truth be told, you’ve been letting that Spanish Connect pile up and that English paper isn’t going to write itself. Do yourself and your end of semester self a huge favor and get some work done, ya filthy animal!
5.) Clean Out the Gunk at the Bottom of Your Book Bag:
Don’t even lie, we already know you didn’t clean out your Jansport over winter break like you promised yourself you would. That got tossed pretty quickly with other New Year’s resolutions, like going to Ramsey and being nicer to annoying girls in your sorority. A whole semester’s worth of free watermelon flavored dental dams from UHC and CFA wrappers have really done a number on the ol’ knapsack. Clean it now, or risk the newsfeed wormhole!
4.) Check Degree Works Obsessively and Worry Yourself Into Thinking You Won’t Graduate On Time:
We’ve all done it. When the problems of the world, laid bare on Facebook, become too much to handle, you turn to Degree Works, to create drama in your personal life to distract yourself from the impeding Trumpacalypse. We mean apocalypse. Did you ever take your P.E.?! Which upper level electives do I take?! Wait, there’s a prerec for that?!?!?!? Now you’re stress sweating through your frocket and you’ve all but forgotten about the FB frenzy.
3.) Figure Out How Many Milligrams of Caffeine It Would Take to Kill You And Then Order One Less Than That at Jittery Joe’s:
Another useless New Year’s resolution? Decaffeinated tea drinking. You’ve got 84 papers due last Thursday, your capstone, and summer internship app deadlines all fast approaching. Honey lavender butterfly chamomile just ain’t gonna cut it. So order that 10th Shot in the dark! They invented cup holders and defibrillators for a reason.
2.) Climb to the Top of Stegeman and Yodel Your SSN:
Need something more pressing to worry about than #CalExit or Kim K robberies to bite your fingernails about? How ‘bout some good old fashioned identity theft! Well, it’s not really theft if you’re volunteering the information, but if you yodel in pig latin then your chances of anyone actually catching the number decrease exponentially! The fun is all in the thrill!
1.) Knit UGA-Themed Penis Socks and Sell Them On Etsy:
There’s truly nothing like a hobby to get your mind off the dumpster fire that is the current state of the world! And who says you can’t earn a buck or two off of your ingenuity and Dawgish craftiness?! Forget the “please don’t do coke in the bathroom” pillows! Who needs them when you could make Hairy Dog Johnson socks and sell them at a steep markup?!
Trapped in a vortex of Reddit-positive males and possibly fascist Aunt Margies on Facebook? Can you not so much as hit the refresh button on the page without seeing #Pizzagate in your feed, staring back at you mockingly? The Black Sheep’s got you covered. Just try any one of these hellfire distractions in between classes at UGA and you’ll be sure to have a politics free day.