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7 Staples of UGA That Freshmen Will Never Know About

 With so many things in your life changing, it’s nice to know that good ol’ Athens will always be the same. From reliably sluggish MLC elevators to hugs from Miss Sandra, UGA just doesn’t change, right? WRONG. Here are the 7 things UGA freshmen will never know about, because they faded into oblivion before the freshies could even say “Bolton trays.”

7.) Paying For Laundry With Bulldog Bucks:
Oh, you didn’t hear about this BS? LAUNDRY IS FREE NOW. We can’t even count on all of our collective fingers and toes how many times we started a $3 load of laundry only to discover we didn’t have enough bulldog bucks to dry our clothes when they were done, much less use them to buy mixers from the vending machines. Freshmen these days have it so good, with their complimentary laundry and suite style dorms.

6.) Old Bolton:
Okay, sure, maybe the only people on campus who actually do remember this are currently 5th years, or graduated and too depressed about their crippling student loan debt to care much about the ghosts of dining halls past, but hey, respect your elders dammit. Old Bolton was situated on Baxter next to Creswell and is rumored to have been home to some pretty dankity dank sundried tomato sammiches. RIP Old Bolton of Yore, chunky ass New Bolton choccy shakes have nothing on you.

5.) Family Housing Bus:
If you’re on this campus and you weren’t born in the year 2000 then you may remember a mysterious bus route called Family Housing. Family Housing, named for the housing development off East Campus Road that it used to roll by, was basically synonymous with Narnia. No one knew where it went and if you were unlucky enough to hop on one, you’d surely be cruising the outskirts of campus for a solid 2 hours. P.S.–WTF is a University Village?

4.) Opaque Gameday Bags:
Way back in the year of our lord Two Thousand and Sixteen, game days were utter debauchery. There was drinking and jeering in the streets, inebriated cries of, “Go Dawgs” at completely inopportune times, and most scandalously, opaque bags. Sure, the new clear bag requirement in Sanford may be a good excuse to spring for that new Jimmi Wz bag, but really it’s a fucking disaster. Do you know how many flasks you can discreetly store inside a clear plastic bag? Zero, that’s how many.

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3.) Sanford Hall:
Sure, Sanford Hall is still technically there, but the spirit of it died as soon as the first dozers broke ground on the new business learning center. No longer will business majors of the future know what it was like to see all ten million Terry kids in the same building every single day. How are they going to learn about cost benefit analyses without the real world example of being crammed into a sweaty hallway with a million other half-drunk frat boys?

2.) Jittery Joe’s Reigning Supreme:
Once upon a time, in a land of many, many hills, one coffee shop reigned supreme. And it was called Jittery Joe’s in the S(MLC) and it was crowded as fuck. These freshmen today can pretty much stand anywhere on campus and spit to the nearest coffee shop. When we were young blood, there was no Starbucks or Caribou coffee. Hell, there was no Science Learning Center! No, we walked barefoot in the snow uphill both ways to get out JJ’s coffee and we liked it.

1.) Shacking At Russell Hall:
Ah, yes. There’s nothing quite like having to sneak your hookup past the RA manning the front desk in RuHa after a long and laborious night of sipping crappy well drinks out of plastic cups amidst the stench of vomit. Since Russell Hall is under construction this year, 900 fewer freshmen will understand what it was like to suffer through communal bathrooms and 3 a.m. fire drills. Check. Your. Privilege.

If all this UGA 2.0 nonsense is making your geriatric ass as depressed as we are, remind your old fart friends of the way things used to be ‘round these parts.

 

 

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