4/20 (aka the Stoner’s Christmas) is upon us, my dudes, but for all you math majors, you may have celebrated this back on 1/5. Do it! Get blazed and try to go out in downtown Athens, we dare you! Buuuut, there are a few tell-tale signs that you need to stay in rather than getting’ crunk to the Walmart yodeling kid’s remix in the clerb.
9.) You just stared at your computer’s wallpaper and asked what movie it was:
4/20 is a time to get stupid high. If you’re not asking dumb questions, it’s time to take another grav hit, which should be dedicated to all the weed plugs for supplying Athens with Quavo’s strain of weed.
8.) Your makeup looks like a 5th grader put it on:
Putting makeup on while high is comparable to trying to win pong in double overtime after you’ve had 7 shots of tequila. It just doesn’t end pretty.
7.) You fucked up your Uber address:
You just spent 10 minutes laughing at your roommate for trying to call the dawgs in front of the mirror by herself. It was all fun and games until your oovoo javer called to tell you he was at your parent’s house in Bumbfuck, GA, a four hour drive from Athens.
6.) Accidentally ordering a pizza instead of an Uber:
The apps just look so similar. RIP to all the Athens pizza delivery drivers on 4/20. Hopefully, you accept bong hits as tips.
5.) The bouncer asked for your name and you couldn’t remember:
It’s not even a fake ID. You’re 21 and just handed the bouncer your REAL ID with your REAL name on it. Time to go home and dissect what reality really is.
4.) The lights in Hedges are more interesting than Becky grinding on you:
Not even having back that ass up blasting through the speakers and a phat ass can distract you from staring at the Hedges videos being projected and the flashing lights.
3.) Thinking the bowl is ash, but it’s only been in rotation once:
Nothing beats asking if the bowl is dead only to check and see that the bowl is still 80% green. The only thing that can give us the same sense of overwhelming joy is re-watching the 2017 Rose Bowl game.
2.) Having to drive away from a drive-thru because you have lost all sense of grammar:
You just tried to order a beefy frito burrito 6 times and pronounced it 6 different ways. It’s time to cut your losses and lock yourself in your dorm because you have transcended past a “functional high.”
1.) Forgetting to pre-game:
4/20 calls for an entire day’s dedication to getting high. If you’re to the point where you are so high that you forget to drink alcohol before arriving DT, you did 4/20 correctly.
Now get your ass home, and order that third pizza while you get extensional life advice from Spongebob.
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