As a student body, we never imagined iris scanning technology used to grant access to a mediocre meal at Bolton. But, no one in their wildest dreams saw what was coming next. Now, it seems students have to give a blood sample to do a simple homework assignment.
With two (we repeat, TWO) forms of verification needed for entry, university studies suggest it is easier to buy a gun in the state of Georgia than it is to log onto ELC and complete your POLS 1101 homework.
While an average joe can stroll into his or her local Walmart and hastily purchase a gun, you may need to carve out at least an hour to simply log into ELC. Long gone are the days when you could forget about homework until thirty minutes before midnight. You will now need these thirty minutes just to obtain a push code from ArchDuo.
The Black Sheep conducted a study proving the aforementioned hypothesis. Our field reporters purchased an AR-15 in whopping 5 minutes (along with some Doritos) in the self-checkout line. At the same time, another team of researchers attempted to login into ELC from an undisclosed location with a strong wifi connection (hint: not the MLC). After three days of waiting for a verification code, the team gave up, and the results are still unavailable.
UGA Junior, Anitta Annoya, has been stuck in the UGA Health Center after having a panic that she would not be able to complete her ELC quiz a week early. We asked her how she was enjoying the switch.
“There is nothing enjoyable or more secure about the new system,” stated Ms. Annoya. “This system is a mild and legal form of torture. Not to mention, it’s more pathetic than Auburn’s finals week.”
However, many students manage to avoid logging into ELC because they can’t manage to remember a password that they are required to change four times a semester. The Black Sheep interviewed the first male spotted in Sandbar on Tuesday, March 26th. Fifth year student, Larry Lyar was more than happy to discuss how this change has affected his academic career.
“To be quite honest, I was not aware a change occurred,” stated Mr. Lyar. “Most of my UGA emails end up in my junk folder because I marked them as spam Freshman year.”
With mixed reactions from students, we wanted to talk to one of the people behind the change. With the individuals in charge receiving death threats, we settled on an interview with Jere Morehead.
“If you want the truth, I actually had no idea what the change was,” explained President Morehead, “Have you seen the news? I’m the president. All I do is sign things without thinking about the consequences.”
We do not know what to do with this information, but we hope the problem gets resolved as soon as possible.
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