Confirming their misunderstanding of the event, Athens local Good Hygiene Committee attended SAE’s spring party, Shower Cap, noting the event’s complete lack of good hygiene in what was reported plainly as “an awful experience.”
The predicament began this past Saturday as the members of the Good Hygiene Committee stumbled upon the annual party while practicing for the committee’s own spring event, Flossing the Homeless.
“There were no shower caps, no loofas, and no proper bathing – of any kind!” said committee president Alice Loman. “They should have called it ‘Wear Rubber Gloves Fest,’ but they can’t because that’s the name of one of our most popular summer events.”
The situation soured immediately, as the GHC dealt with a “total disregard for public and personal health” as well as “health conditions not unlike the servants’ quarters on the Titanic,” noted the Committee in a statement.
The massive amount of partygoers in attendance made the committee’s departure difficult as well, with attendees blocking the entrances with their sweaty bodies, thus forcing the committee to witness the immense lack of hygiene.
“There were rows of porta potties, but that didn’t stop drunk boys from peeing on any surface they could find!” said committee member Bill Wikins. “There also wasn’t any free food, which was really just more of a letdown to be honest. I thought these things always had free food.”
Other committee members were affected by the party more directly. “Some dirty cooler water splashed on Charlie and he broke into hives,” said Wikins. “Plus the security guards confiscated my bottles of hand sanitizer! Why I put them in glass bottles, I’ll never know.”
Loman saw the event as an opportunity to spread proper health, but failed to execute. “I would’ve gone on stage and grabbed the mic to promote awareness of good public health, but one of the singers licked his fingers after eating a honey bun and touched the mic again, so gross.”
The committee members made the best of a poor situation by handing out wetnaps to greasy partygoers and trimming the nails of passed out patrons.
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