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SMGDFH: That Annoying Kid Across The Street Bought A Dog To Make People Like Him, And It’s Working

That annoying college student bought a dog in an attempt to make people like him, and sources close to The Black Sheep have confirmed that it seems to be working.

Ricky Reese, a third-year mass communication major and small-time drug dealer, has historically been unable to find any real friends, but all of that changed after he purchased a dog at the local shelter. Reese believes that his new dog is giving him more opportunities to coerce people into spending time with him than his drugs ever could.

“I mean, I used to give Ketamine to the guys at Pi Kapp so that I could make them watch TV with me, but now I can just walk my dog down Bloomfield Street and people actually stop to talk. They say stuff like, ‘Cute dog,’ and I’m like ‘Thanks, you wanna hang out,’ and they’re all like ‘I guess.’ It’s really great.”

Reese recently updated his Tinder profile to include his dog in every photo, with a pithy bio that reads, “If u don’t like my dog swipe left,” and he’s been matching with people left and right.

“My Tinder game is on point right now. I feel like my dog has become my personality, and it’s honestly a huge improvement.”

Reese plans on increasing his likability even further by buying a litter of kittens and developing a firm handshake.

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb, hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep, Mackenzie & Andrea. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame:

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