UGA Daddy of the Week: Patrick Doyle
Name: Patrick Doyle
Twitter Handle: @dominosceo
Relationship Status: Single dad lookin’ for a momma bear
Boxers or Briefs?: Boxers, I’m not a communist.
Tell us a dad joke:
My neighbor’s skills on the grills. Zing!
What’s the best way to reduce stress when your son doesn’t mow the lawn like you like it?:
Working on my ’65 mustang coupe. If I smash a crank journal with my ford wrench after seeing those uneven mow lines, that’s my business.
Tell us about your first night of college:
Finished a pitcher of beer surrounded by cheering frat bros, missed my first ever class the next morning. The best night I can never tell my family about.
What’s your favorite type of shoe and why is it white New Balances?
You can get a pair of 608v4s plus some Kiwi heavy duty waterproofing spray for 40 bucks. Cheaper than the new Kanye Jordans and you’ll never have to worry about wet socks while pressure-washing the deck again.
On a scale of 1-10, how drunk would you have to be to masturbate to a picture of 1990s version Bob Saget?:
Depends on the alcohol and which season of Full House we’re talkin’.
How many cigars did you smoke in the waiting room of the hospital the day your first son was born?
They don’t allow smoking in the hospital, so I knocked back a few whiskey sours and took a nap. When I woke up I was well-rested, drunk, and a dad, so really a win-win all around.
Which would be worse: having to have a period for a week straight or being a lame-ass geed for you entire life? Why?:
The latter – real men aren’t afraid of blood or male nudity.
What’s one thing that kinds nowadays do that pisses you right off?:
IKEA. My grandpa built an entire house, and my kid is calling me asking how to set the wheel track for his nightstand drawer? Give me a break.
What’s the best part of your lifetime subscription to Golf Magazine?
Staying up-to-date with the latest angles and driver head volumes. When I run into Tiger or Phil I don’t want to be that chump with a 50-degree gap wedge. I mean, can you imagine?
What’s the dirtiest scenario you can think of on the spot only using: a shovel, a 10 pack of Red Bull, and your wife’s hot sister?:
Okay so picture this: it’s hot. Like, Australia-at-the-height-of-global-warming hot. I pop my shirt off to reveal all 160 pounds of this pale, Irish dad bod. My wife’s sister comes outside and asks if I want to relax with something sweet. I say, “That would be delightful, Karen,” and I toss my shovel to the side. Inside, she pours me a cold glass of sweet tea and I ask her if there’s anything else she’d like to give me. She shoots me a look and says “Let me go check the bedroom.” My mind goes into overdrive – is her wallet up there? Is she finally going to pay me for building this entire god-damn fence? I’ve taken several hours out of my Sunday and drank probably 10 Red Bulls just to stay awake and finish the thing. I guess that’s what happens when you marry an investment banker who’s never entered a Home Depot, KEVIN, but you’d think they of all people would understand the value of time and effort. The least you could do is buy me a Heineken.
Why do you think you deserve to be Daddy of the Week?:
Having a child is probably the most strenuous and painful thing a man can go through, so I really just feel like I deserve some recognition for all of the struggles I’ve faced.
Why should people read The Black Sheep?:
Great way to keep up with the hip lingo of today. I hear all the cool kids are subscribing.
WATCH: We made Malort cupcakes. They are bad.