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EITS Caught Data Mining UGA Student’s Drunk Texts

BREAKING – On Thursday (April 12th, 2018), sources confirm EITS accused of taking data from UGA students who use all UGA-related websites. In addition, the same sources confirm local Athens Bars are using said data to provide their consumers with a unique experience. EITS did not disclose that they were using this information and have been collecting the data without consent from the students.

It would seem that student drunk texts have a lot of invaluable information that say a lot about the typical athens bar-goer. Nothing is more raw than a UGA student’s drunk texts and says more about them than the bible verse they put in their Insta bio. However, that does not mean you can take that information without permission.

The Black Sheep wanted know what UGA students are thinking about this revelation. Our reporters went downtown and talked to the only drunk student who could speak in full sentences, UGA sophomore, Morgan Rumme.

We asked Rumme if he thinks this form of data mining is a problem and an invasion of privacy.

“To be honest, I don’t even remember what I say in my drunk texts so I don’t think it really matters,” stated Morgan, “plus if it means they are gonna have music that isn’t on a teenage boy’s Spotify, then I’m good.”

Students argue that in order to get some much needed improvements to Athens bars they do not mind sacrificing a few inherent rights to privacy. We asked Rumme how he would feel if EITS publicly leaked drunk texts.

“It would not be my proudest moment, but it would not be the worst thing to happen,” remarked Morgan. “I also do not think the public would have an interest in my dick pics to my Tinder hookup or the sad attempts to find my friends who are more difficult to find than Waldo.”

Everyone seems to be upset with EITS, but no one seems to be upset with the Athens bars because no one wants to be upset with their source of fun. Therefore, we took it upon ourselves to do the dirty work and question the bars during their unpopular daylight hours.

The Black Sheep field reporters talked to one of the of the key operators of a few of the Athens bars, Mr. Sall O’nne. We questioned him about why Athens bars need this information,

“All Athens bars are united in an effort to make sure we provide the best value of experience we can offer. In order to do so, we need that information,” informed Mr. O’nne. “Why do you think we mop the vomit from our bathrooms once every week now instead of every other week.”

We asked EITS for a comment, but they have not yet returned any of our emails. We imagine they are unable to get through the ArchDuo process to access their emails.

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