You know the old saying that bathroom graffiti is the window to a UGA building’s soul? And what’s more traumatizing than a good, old-fashioned divorced set of parents? That’s right! We scoured East Campus and West to dig up the dirt on whose family’s in tact and who’s stuck with their very own Oedipus Complex, and here’s the data:
“To ‘B’ Love is to ‘C’ Love”
“Every time I see this, I get mad”
“Looks like he needs to try LSD”
So many questions, so little time. Ok, first of all, why couldn’t you just add three small e’s, you weirdo? Second, what do you mean every time? You see it once, get mad, never go back again. Kinda like your mom when she caught your dad with his business partner. And lastly, uh… well, maybe this guy’s got a point after all. Anywho, all your parents are no longer together cuz yo’ mom’s (and/or dad’s) a hoe.
“I’m not your fucking Valentine”
The aggression of this statement just screams, “I haven’t believed in love since third grade when my mom told my dad to choke on his own dick.” Your parents are definitely divorced, but on the brightside, you’re a strong, independent woman and that’s all that matters.
Not knowing how to count”
This graffiti’s as pretentious as it is underwhelming, which is sort of fitting considering that it’s located in the art building. It’s funny because you listed things that you hate, and you’re also doing them. Ha. We get it, you hate yourself. Your parents hated you too, and that’s why they got divorced.
“If it fits it ships
– Ancient Greek on (gay) butt sex”
Throwback to middle school: let’s make fun of gay people. Homophobia is frigging sweet, dude. Your parents split up in 2006, and you never grew out of that adolescent phase where kids said things like “gayfer” and “beast.” Your favorite video game is Minecraft.
You go to General’s every friday night with the boys, and Alex Jones is most definitely your hero. Your parents are 100% still together because they’re some redneck hicks. Two peas in a racist pod that spawned your sorry ass.
“My dick stinks!”
Nice, keep it classy. Just like your mom when she banged her tennis instructor.
Let this be a lesson that no one is safe from the all-seeing eye of The Black Sheep staff, not even in the unbelievable amount of bathrooms on campus. Seriously, it took so long to find this shit. But, we will find your stupid graffiti, and when we do, there’s no coming back from our tasteful and completely warranted divorce jokes. Vandalizers be warned.
Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb, hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep, Mackenzie & Andrea. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame: