When the last Saturday of November rolls around, every UGA fan is ready to “Wreck Tech.” But, what about when Tech is finally ready to get wrecked? After the hard feelings of the rivalry game subside and the University of Georgia lifts the travel ban on those with Georgia Tech identification cards, your Tech friends can finally enter the city of Athens again. And, here are the definitive ways to ensure said “friends” recognize Athens as the best, nay realest, “A-town”:
7.) Bring them to the Main Library:
The key to any wild night out is making any newbies are well adjusted to a potentially over-stimulating environment. Give your Tech friends a sense of comfort and familiarity with the only friends they’ve made in college thus far: Marx, Freud, and, for your Greek homies, Homer.
6.) Pregame in Herty Fountain:
All that water makes for a smart, low-cal chaser. Plus, this is probably the wettest they’ve gotten in months.
5.) Shots every time they remind you that they got into UGA early:
Make that 2 for the ones who claim they never applied because they “didn’t want to take the spot of someone who actually wanted to be a ‘bulldawg’.” Yeah, that’s right. I’m looking at you Beatrice, you pretentious nerd bitch.
4.) Allow them 30-45 mins of table dancing at Bourbon:
This is probably the closest they’ve been to the real thing, so watch them go nuts during a good, old fashioned power hour. If they’re feeling frisky, encourage them to do a bar walk. Friendship is allllll about pushing people into uncomfortable, yet possibly rewarding situations. You’d be doing your Tech friends a disservice if you denied them this opportunity.
3.) Watch them Panic! at the Silent Disco:
$1 headphones blaring “Hot in Herre,” “Come On Eileen,” and “Crazy Frog”? Alex, I’ll take “Why Athens is Better than Atlanta” for $500, please. There truly is no other way to woo an out-of-towner than with this not-so-secret gem. Watch your dear friends throw caution to the wind as they come at you with all your middle school favorites: the dougie, the bernie, the air-grocery cart, and (if you’re lucky) a tasteful stanky leg.
2.) Bail them out of jail:
After all, you’re the one who’s been able to keep both Hope and Zell, so you could spare a couple dollars while they’ve been eating at the Varsity every night hoping to pay off their student loans by the time they have the 2nd child.
1.) Treat them to a nice, $5 Uber home:
ATL hoes have been conditioned to pay a minimum of $2o for an Uber home after a “wild” night out on the town. In a magical place called Athens, it’s physically impossible to spend more than $7 on a ride home from downtown. Still think it’s cool to live in Atlanta? Not to brag, but we have never been voted “City with the Worst Traffic” ever. Jus’ saying.
We’ll give it to you Tech, Atlanta may supply the world with Migos, coke, the other coke, and a dope ass Aquarium, but Athens is an OG collegetown with the perfect mix of townies, fratties, and hipsters(-ies??). Needless to say, we’re glad you had fun. However, please allow us another year before you decide to return. We’re tired of babysitting your light-weight asses.
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