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10 Pointless Resume Boosters You Can Add After Rushing A Sorority At UGA

You woke up early (like 4 a.m. early) everyday for a week to dress to the nines and get yelled at by upperclassmen. And for what? You’re in a sorority, but what do you really have to show for it? The Black Sheep compiled a finite list of resume boosters your sure to acquire after four years of an unbreakable sisterhood.

10.) An early graduation date:
After your initiated and publicly denounce your penchant towards social gatherings over academics, you have no choice but to study all the damn time.

9.) Bumble campus rep:
Sure, you’re gonna have to fight a few bitches out for this position within your designated sororal circle. However, you look better in yellow anyway, so you’re really saving them from themselves.

8.) Sneaking a boy into the house:
‘Twas a random night downtown and all through the house, not a sister was stirring not even Mom (House). The cameras were placed outside with good care, in hopes that no penis would ever be there. But, you did it. The entirety of Milledge applauds you.

7.) Expert social media curator:
Okay, maybe there are a few, uh, edgy posts here and there. But, more powerful men have said worse, and now, he’s the President of the United States. Tasteful sideboob pales in comparison to grabbing a lady by the pussy anyday.

6.) Spatial reasoning guru:
300 girls, one picture? Puh-lease. Your record is 500 after the joint philanthropy event with the house next door. Next.

5.) Physically attractive:
Usually, you don’t put up with objectification, but what if it will land you this bomb-ass internship? Better safe than sorry.

4.) Proficient in bullshitting conversations with frat boys downtown:
You’re well-versed from Widespread Panic to the Grateful Dead, and you’re definitely not one to pass on a some lighthearted Phish banter. What’s your favorite song they ask? Well that just depends on the set, location, and if John Mayer is playing with Dead & Co. because he’s a total DILF.

3.) Commitment to serving the greater community:
A brutal hangover the morning of the one philanthropy event of the year? No problem. We’ll just give you a Pauley’s bloody mary, 2 Advil, and 5 more minutes to make this token 5K your bitch.

2.) Your stellar list of references:
President of SAE, your Young Life leader, AND Kylie Jenner? You worked your ass off for these past four years, and now you finally have something to show for it. Honestly, I don’t know if I can decipher the most impressive. They’re all too good. Bravo.

1.) And if worse comes to worse…:
Just drop it in one of your various GroupMe’s and alert your sisters that you need and deserve employment.

You’re welcome for this fool-proof ploy to achieve financial nirvana and eternal success.

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