If you’ve seen The Blind Side, then, you know Sandra Bullock refuses to wear that “gaudy orange” Tennessee fans, players, and students tackily clad themselves in on a Saturday in Knoxville. The Black Sheep urges you to take the same stance on this abomination of a color this Saturday, and if you even think of wearing that gaudy orange there are at least 10 other stupid gaudy orange things you’ll look like.
10.) Traffic cones:
Alerting someone of danger is sooooo 90s. It’s way more trendy and fun to trick people into falling victim to a pothole with absolutely no warning at all! Purge your closet of all orange this fall, including all your traffic cones. (When’s the last time you wore them anyway?)
9.) Monarch butterflies:
Just because they have “monarch” in their name, they think they’re better than us? Put an end to this elitism before they can utter, “Let them eat cake,” with their eyelashes or whatever. It won’t be long before UTK fans start saying the same with their eyelashes.
8.) The other UT:
7.) That one pair of scissors in your parents’ kitchen drawer:
You know the ones. They’ve been in your kitchen so long, and they’ve started to collect rust. Ah, rust – another disgraceful phenomenon residing in the realm of all things orange. Getting rid of these scissors would really kill two orange birds with one black and red stone.
6.) Bad queso:
As UGA students reside in Athens, we’re above those plebeian, American customs, nominally that of ‘oranging’ cheese. It’s not natural and should not be tolerated! Have better standards for your queso and football team’s colors, goddamnit.
Sure, the Weasley family is cute, but do they have souls? That’s right! We’re bringing this vintage and out-dated argument out of the archives in defense against the dark arts (AKA, the color orange, AKA, Tennessee’s football team). Mwahahaha!
3.) That stupid dad joke:
“Orange you glad I didn’t say banana.” Well, you should find that banana and go fuck yourself, Dan.
1.) Donald Trump:
Have the courage to say no to orange. Yeah, it’s a shitty rhyme, but nothing rhymes with orange. Just one more fucking thing to add to the list.
Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb, hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep, Mackenzie & Andrea. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame: