Here at the prestigious University of Georgia, we have some high-demand majors that require a statement of interest. These must consist of something more profound than “I’m interested” or “Pls.” To help prospective students, we complied a list of questions to ask yourself to find who you are and if you’re fit to be in this major:
Have you ever overcome a great challenge?
Remember that time your frat brother said you wouldn’t be able to survive 15 shots of tequila along with Xanax and 3 lines of coke at Lost last year? Sure, you had to leave early in a $1000 Uber, which may have also doubled as an ambulance, but the point is you showed everyone mama ain’t raised no bitch! This will show your college that you grapple with just about any challenge, including but not limited to, death.
What have you done or what are you doing professionally?
Well, not that you like to toot your own horn or anything, but for about a month, you were quasi-professional rapper, Lil’ Skinny Penis. It all came to a tragic end when you forgot your Soundcloud password.
Why do you deserve to get accepted?
Not only did you did you attend the SEC Championship, Rose Bowl, and National Championship, but you also have a G tattooed on your ass and if that doesn’t show dedication, what does? What more do you people want?!
What is your worst quality?
You are just too big of a #baller, and unfortunately, when you walk into any bar downtown; all the other dudes don’t even have a chance to #shoot their #shot and bring home a #fly #hunny. This means there you often attract jealousy and conflict wherever you are. Your #big #baller quality is a #blessing and a #curse but somehow, you will #overcome. #flyhighgrandma #doingit4u
Your best quality?
Time management. How else would you be able to get trashed three days a week, have a multitude of Tinder hoes one “you up?” text away, and just barely passing accounting with a C-?
What (if anything) have you taken from your courses, reading, or professional experiences?
Ever since the Juul became a thing, you have seen a direct correlation with you GPA increase of .01 by being able to access the sweet, sweet cancer inducing juice just about anywhere. Yes, now you can smoke your e-cig in bars, but wait! You can also puff that flash drive in the pasta line in Bolton, Orbits, and during that accounting test you just made a 13 on. With each puff you become more profound and motivated to change the world the same way the inventor of the Juul did for you.
What makes your statement stand out?
Nudes and $20 will be attached to the printed statement. Not as a bribe, but rather as a sneak peek at what more you have to offer.
We hope this Q&A helped prepare you for your statements of interest since you dropped your Chem major after seeing the price of one textbook freshman year!
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