In a college town bar, you’re always looking for an excuse to add alcohol to anything. That Juul life not enough for you? Add alcohol and voila! The vape shot is born. Come winter, Athens’ bars are doing the same creative spiking to your favorite warm winter drinks, and the result is often… disgusting. We drank the bullet for you and tried some of Athens’ bars most disgusting drinks. Here’s what sucks the least.
4.) Flanagan’s – Mint Chip Hot Chocolate:
Let’s start out simple with a spiked hot chocolate. How terribly wrong can hot water, a packet of Swiss Miss, and Mint Chip flavored vodka go? The answer: terribly, terribly wrong. On first taste, the familiar sweet warmth of microwavable hot chocolate can’t be missed. But a quick second later brings the vodka taste barreling down your mouth, a flavor that’s less “mint chip” and more “spit from your alcoholic grandma’s freshly spearmint-toothpaste brushed mouth.” Aka, a bitterly warm drink that takes all of your childhood memories of hot chocolate and stabs it in the back with a peppermint shiv.
3/5 for the coffee creamer station, the secret to making your hot chocolate drinkable (and your teeth cavity-able).
3.) Walker’s – Hot Toddy:
Walker’s has an assortment of warm, alcoholic drinks you can get year round, from Peppermint Patties to Reese’s and chocolate-flavored liqueurs. Yum! To add some variety, we went with the Hot Toddy, the classic hot tea drink your English ancestors drank to keep their minds off all the culture-colonizing whathaveyou. Not so yum. With so many tea varieties today, this mix of Earl Grey, lemon, honey, and a shot of Jameson might as well be it’s own teabag. Label it “Irish I Was Drunk” and bam! Step aside, English Breakfast, there’s a new morning pick-me-up in town.
4/5 for predicting our post-grad future and making the teabag look like a hobo bag on a stick.
2.) Blue Sky – Apple Pie Spice Moonshine:
If you’re looking for a warm cup of spiked joe to numb your toes and your gums, then better look elsewhere – Blue Sky has no drinks of the sort, unfortunately. What they do have, explained our hippie-haired bartender, are “seasonal cocktails,” one of which goes great with the winter, he whispered through his flowy, hemp-filled hair. This drink is apple pie moonshine, lemon juice, spiced ginger beer, and a cinnamon stick to garnish, swirled personally by your bartender, white Steve Aoki. It’s cool, spicy, and burns the back of your throat, in a good way, like smoking a nice cigar, in fall, on a camping trip, while standing in the campfire.
5/5 for being a Blue Sky drink under $10.
1.) 100 Proof – Pumpkin Spice Latte with Rumchata:
What’s a ranking without a wild card! This pumpkin spice latte is poured straight out of a dusty push-button cappuccino vending machine, the likes of which must be an auction item from a bankrupt La Quinta Inn’s continental breakfast; press a button, fill a cup, and there you have a decent hot, sugary, pumpkinny drink. However, once combined with a shot of Rumchata, a creamy rum-flavored liqueur, it’s winter drink game steps UP. Sure, you can barely taste the alcohol, mainly because Rumchata is only 13% ABV, but if you’re drinking milk with the goal of getting drunk, you don’t know how cows work.
10/5 for the glory of Rumchata, plus some cinnamon packets on hand.
There you have it, the best of Athens bars’ worst winter drinks. It’s not all of them, but it sure is the most we were willing to pay for.
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