UGA Campus Left in Shambles After Snowpocalypse 2k17

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It has been only a few short days since Snowpocalypse 2k17 hit Athens, and the town is in absolute havoc. The cries of southerners who have never seen a single snowflake can be heard from miles away as they scrape ice off the windshields of their trucks. Experts say we received 1/16 of an inch of snow, which breaks records for most dangerous weather conditions The University of Georgia has ever seen. 

Betty Loaf, who typically stocks the bread aisle at Kroger, said “We’ve never sold out of bread this fast. I’ve spent my whole career doing the same routine everyday and have nothing to do now that the bread is gone.” Betty isn’t the only one floored by the magnitude of food gone within 24 hours.

Bolton is in a state of disaster as freshmen fight to stuff their faces. Although the food supply is seemingly unlimited, they seem to fear that it will in fact run out.

“I saw a bunch of kids in true grit sweaters and duck boots running toward the dining hall so I started running toward the dining hall, too,” says Tess Flow, a first year student majoring in Geology.

While the stockpiling started out as merely food and basic supplies, students quickly realized ABC Package would also be closed in the event of snow, and decided to stock up on alcohol, as well.  Since classes ended early on Friday afternoon, it seems the student body united with one common goal: get wasted since this Snowpocalypse might kill us anyway.

The students who ventured downtown during the midst of the bad weather seem to regret it deeply. “I was trudging through North Campus to get downtown. I was almost there, but then I slipped on some ice and slid straight through the arch. Now I have a bruised ass and won’t even graduate. A word of advice: don’t leave your warm home during these dark times,” noted Veronica Fall, a second year student and survivor of Snowpocalypse 2k17.

Whether or not the roads are safe for driving now that the snow has stopped falling is debatable. The temperature this school week is lingering around the 40s, which may not be warm enough to resume campus activities per usual. Classes are no longer canceled, so it is advised that students take immense precaution when bearing the powerful winds on campus. Definitely go home right after class, unless you want to end up like poor Veronica.