One UGA student reportedly underwent a sudden transformation after watching France defeat Belgium in a World Cup match yesterday, and has since decided that he now knows everything about socc– futbal.
“I wanted to know why all my friends were talking about ‘wankers’, ‘meat pies’, and ‘nill-nill’ score lines,” said Chad Brody, a sophomore in the Terry College of Business at UGA. “I just thought I would watch part of a game and then go back to doing business student stuff like stealing my roommate’s Adderall, but I’m hooked, mate.”
After France scored their first and only goal of the match, Brody was found thrashing around on the floor of his apartment yelling, “GOOOOAL, GOAL, GOOAL, GOAL!”
Brody’s appearance was also altered in his transformation. His hair has been bleached white and styled in a faux-hawk, and his arms are full of tribal tattoo sleeves. Brody has also woken up at 8 a.m. every morning to eat an English breakfast with a warm pint of Guinness before going out to play pickup footie at the IM fields.
According to Brody, “There’s nothing that I love more than to lace up my boots and hit the pitch to play some footie. I love to get out there and knock it about with my mates.”
Since the game, Brody’s been engaged in earnest conversations with Bourbon patrons and has tried to educate them on the finer points of the game with phrases like “half space” and “loads of pace and trickery on the ball.”
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