UGA Students Are Hiring People To Stand Over Their Shoulder And Police Their Instagram Addiction When They Should Be Studying

UGA students are tired of spending hours in the university’s designated study areas only to scroll through Instagram, troll Facebook, and swipe left on Tinder. Deciding to take matters into their own hands, various students have started to hire peers to watch them do their homework and curb their Instagram addiction.

The Black Sheep‘s field reporters meandered into the library to see the problem at hand.

Upon arrival, our reporters immediately saw the problem. Students ignored their books, notebooks, and laptops, despite the fact that they were all open in front of them. Instead, more than 87% of students in the library that day scrolled on their phones.

Despite being in the very early stages, economics majors all down Milledge agree that this is the future.

“My dad has his own assistant, and that’s exactly what this is,” said Matt Hendricks, overlord of Amos Hall as well as Greek life. “It’s not only for rich students. It’s for everyone. I’m paying my guy $100 an hour—now that’s doable. All we’re looking to do here is MSSA: Make Students Smart Again. Trump 2020, baby!”

While most students were too attached to their phones to give a quote, we spoke to the token UGA library homeless man about his take on the matter.

“I never went to school, but lemme tell ya, I would rather an instant gram over reading about some Bell Jar anyday,” the man told us. 

This method has proves the power of peer pressure in college students is still greater than the power of FOMO, says UGA researcher, Ralph Hodgskin.

“Studies show that students actually prefer aimlessly scrolling through social media, rather than doing homework and/or studying,” Hodgskin said. “This new business model replicates the age-old ‘jock paying the nerd to do his/her homework’ in a more progressive manner. As soon as prices begin to level out, the future of studying is this.

“At this point, it’s just science.”

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