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Welp, UGA’s Off-Campus Bookstore Closed, So I Guess It’s The Last Semester With Books

In case you haven’t heard, all of UGA’s Off-Campus Bookstore (read: all) will be closed by the first week of February. We’re not quite sure what happened to cause all of them to close at once, but we are pretty sure it has something to do with some sort of second-hand conspiracy. A second-hand book-spiracy.

With all of the off-campus bookstores closed, the only remaining physical space to buy books is the on-campus bookstore. After interviewing a few students, we quickly found out that due to these closings, the student body of UGA is quietly and bravely bracing themselves to never own school books again. We of course had several questions about why this is happening.

When we asked students why they don’t like the bookstore, we were shocked at the plethora of answers they provided. Apparently there are many reasons to hate the place. And they all seem valid.

For instance, a fashion merchandising major claimed that the headless and jerseyed mannequins caused her too much stress. “Not only are UGA jerseys an eyesore, they also look so freaky on those headless mannequins. Anybody who knows anything about marketing a fashion statement knows your mannequin needs to look as close to human as possible. And most humans I know have heads.”

We also heard from a music major that the inappropriate record selling at the UGA Bookstore is causing his boycott. “It’s like that gas station on North Ave that sells boiled peanuts out of a Crockpot. The record selling causes me to distrust the whole place entirely,” our record snob states.

Our next series of questions dealt with UGA students’ problems with online book shopping, on websites such as eBay, Chegg, or Craigslist. Like the bookstore, UGA students have lots of problems with these websites.

A student in the Terry College of Business claims the speed, or the lack thereof, of the package arrival is what keeps him from buying online. “Sometimes I wait too long to buy the books if I decide to buy them online,” the student stated. “I’ll often times need the book two days, or even one day, from the time I order it. Ordering online just takes too long. There needs to be a faster way. Hey, that’s a pretty good business model, the whole fast shipping thing. Maybe I’ll develop it a bit more…”

Additionally, an International Affairs major claims the Athens hills are just too much for the delivery trucks. “Trust me, the more hills the trucks have to ascend, i.e. the more gas they use, the more expensive the delivery. Flat-rate shipping my ass. Athens isn’t flat, so flat-rates don’t apply,” she states.

We hate to see it come to this, we really do. But it looks like there will be no more new books in circulation at UGA from now on. Our only piece of advice: UGA exchange. May you always log into Facebook at the exact right time.

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