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Yikes: Pledge Under Investigation After Single Speck Of Glitter On Face Ruled ‘Too Feminine’ By Brothers

The brotherhood of Pi Iota dub Sig (PISS) discovered a single speck of glitter on potential brethren Trey Longhair following PISS’s bid day, leading to Longhair being sent before the chapter’s Masculinity Standard’s chair due to his appearance being “too feminine.”

As Longhair is a pledge, his membership into the brolationship is still in question as he must pass various physical, emotional, and spiritual challenges before acceptance into this band of brothers. Therefore, disobedience of any kind–specifically anything suggesting a member’s feminine penchant–is strongly discouraged.

Following this discovery, active members of PISS quarantined Longhair immediately and stated their disdain for such an offense at a press conference.

“Here at Pi Iota Sigma Sigma, we don’t condone this sort of feminine self-expression. Aw, hell no. Here at Pi Iota dub Sig, we go muddin’ and huntin’ and fishin’ and fuckin’. And, if you wanna wear glitter, then why don’t you just git the fuck out of my fraternity. None of that sissy shit.”

The Black Sheep’s field reporters traveled to the front lines to visit the pledge in question, Mr. Longhair, and most of the brothers, most of whom plead the fifth.

We first encountered PISS President Jack Hoff, who could only gab about the “total rager” thrown in honor of sorority bid day. “It was fucking epic! So many babes man,” Hoff exclaimed. Other active members explained that on Monday night, Mr. Hoff held sexual congress for the first time in several months.

However, Jack Williams, active member and PISS secretary, adamantly expressed his disdain for Mr. Longhair’s actions: “Dude, glitter is for fucking girls. He’s not a fucking girl. So then why is he wearing fucking glitter, ya know? It’s just disrespectful.”

Mr. Longhair’s lawyer, who spoke on behalf of Trey, said his client pleaded, “No homo.”

Whether Longhair willingly donned the glitter or if a third party was involved is still under investigation by the PISS council.

UPDATE: PISS has determined that the single speck of glitter left on Mr. Longhair was because of a post-bid day hookup. The PISS brothers immediately sent out a public apology and offered Longhair a bid.

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