If you’re like me, and I’ll bet a box of PopTarts and a Jittery Joe’s latte that you are, you’ve been prepping for college since you came out of the womb. Every volunteer hour and ACT score has been building to the moment you step onto a shiny new college campus. And then, that moment is gone. All your made-up titles that supposedly taught you “lifelong skills, such as responsibility and leadership” seem to be trampled under the feet of everyone squeezing onto the Orbit Bus. Now, you’ve seen a thousand blogs and articles about “what not to do your freshman year”. Well, let’s loosen up and laugh at your mistakes because you’re only a freshman once (and you haven’t lost your Hope Scholarship yet).
“Don’t Gain the Freshman 15”:
Where to begin… First, it’s not a freshman 15; it’s a freshman 50. Second, you’re paying 5 trillion dollars for this meal plan, go ahead and eat 5 cookies. Third, if you live in the Hill Community like every other freshman, you have to climb a mountain to get back to your dorm so it all balances out.
“Don’t Ignore Your Roommate”:
Sure, do everything for the next 4 months with your roommate. We won’t say we told you so when you’re ready to drown him or her with their own non-fat, low sodium, gluten-free soy milk that you had to buy after using it for one bowl of cereal.
“Don’t Buy Textbooks the First Week of Classes”:
That’s like saying don’t buy $50 Taylor Swift tickets. You’ll walk into your first class and already have 3 assignments from the book due. Yes, you will drop $500-$600 on textbooks. But you’re also not scrambling to finish the things you put off during Add/Drop week. So while everyone else is finishing 2 weeks’ worth of work in their dorm room, you will also be in your dorm room. Because you have no money.
“Don’t Feel Pressured to Go Greek”:
That 20% student Greek population sure seems a lot bigger when every girl you pass on the street has a Greek letter stitched on EVERYTHING. If you really don’t want to rush, then your choice is to give your email to every organization in Tate Plaza. Wanna help save the Siberian albino chipmunk? If it gets you out of your dorm room, abso-freaking-lutely.
“Don’t Underestimate Your Workload”:
The best part about these lists is when their items are overwhelmingly obvious. You already had to sacrifice your entire senior year just to get into this God forsaken place. What you did not know is that the human mind will come up with some unique methods of procrastination. Ever been interested in knowing about Amish people? Me neither. Yet, at 11:30 the night before a paper is due, you will suddenly feel an overwhelming urge to watch every episode of Breaking Amish.
“Don’t Walk Around With a Map”:
At this point, you will give up trying to not look like a freshman. If anything, maybe some upperclassman will take pity on you and help you find this freaking building, ‘cause you still seem to be getting lost.
You can read every article or blog post related to college life, but after reading these, you’re often left with the flutter of “what if I do that and totally mess up?” butterflies. What writers won’t tell you is that while these are well-meaning hints, the lessons gained from making mistakes made them the person they are today, and their freshman year the hilarious pile of crap that it is. So close that browser tab, open your door, and let every mistake, mess-up, and memory walk in.