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10 Embarrassing Jokes Your Dad Made on Your First Tour of GV

Dads think they are the funniest guy in the room no matter where they go. Many dads see walking in a tour around campus with a group of strangers as the perfect opportunity to highlight their sophisticated comedic abilities. Dad jokes are one the most cringy things known to man and must be protected at all costs. Here are 10 dad jokes that will make you embarrassed of your dad forever.

10.) Heating and cooling jokes:
*Tour guide holds door open at Kirkhof*

Dad: “I don’t know what bills you’re paying to be leaving the door open like that. What are we doing? Heating the whole neighborhood?”

9.) Weather jokes:
Dad: “Wow, the sun is really bright here in Allendale. I may have to put on my officially licensed NASCAR sunglasses because it is brighter than my son’s future at GV out here!”

8.) Jokes about the grill they paid way too much money for:
“Damn, my son’s first year of tuition will almost cost as much as my new grill.”

7.) Jokes about their lack of athletic ability:
*Walks into Mary Idema Pew Library*

Dad: “Holy smokes, guys! I’m afraid of elevators. I’m going to have to take steps to avoid them.”

6.) Mocking people for saying literally anything:
Tour Guide: “Are we hungry? I’m hungry, so let’s stop in at Fresh to get something to eat.”

Dad: “Hi hungry. I’m Jim.”

5.) Terrible puns:
Tour Guide: “So there are a lot of places to print on campus; however, students are limited to 500 prints a semester.”

Dad: “I was gonna make a joke about paper. Never mind, it’s TEAR-able.”

4.) Misappropriating trendy dances:
Tour Guide: “So commuter parking passes will cost $200 a semester. However, you can park in Lot J for $60 a semester.”

*Tour guide points at map*

Dad: “So this is where my daughter will park her *dad makes poor attempt at the whip* whip?”

3.) Making puns about the divorce they got 10 years ago:
Tour Guide: “So we’re about to head into the newly renovated recreation center where we have basketball courts, treadmills, and weight machines.”

Dad: “I broke up with the gym 10 years ago. We just weren’t working out.”

2.) Jokes about technology because they created a Facebook profile two weeks ago and now they think they’re Mark Zuckerberg:
*Tour group walks across Little Mac bridge and looks at the trees*

Dad: “How do trees get online? They just log in.”

1.) Jokes about history where only a fraction of the people understand the reference:
Tour Guide: “So this is where Grand Valley’s History Department is located on campus. They have tons of resources to help students succeed.”

Dad: “I really didn’t like my Ancient History professor back in my day. She tended to Babylon.”

Dads have the tendency to always crack jokes at the worst times, and sometimes you’d rather staple your hand 100 times than listen to another damn joke. So no matter how hard dad jokes make you cringe, they’re here to stay! So keep your hand away from any staplers and just pretend to laugh.

 

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