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Grand Valley State

6 Items Only Freaks Buy from the C-Stores

There are some things that just don’t need to be sold, even to broke college students. Here are some things that you can find at GVSU’s C-Stores, in case you feel like indulging in things you really don’t need… or want… at all.

6.) Specialty condoms:

First up on the list of things that you can buy at the C-Store that folks likely won’t want to buy is condoms. Nothing sets the mood like telling your tinder date that you have to run to the Connection to pick up a rubber. We’re all for wrapping up, but maybe just figure out a ride to Meijer. Maybe try a 12 pack. That should limit most people’s embarrassment to once a semester. At least the weirdos buying condoms from a C-Store. Not to mention… do they check the dates on these?

 5.) Hot dog Spaghetti O’s:

Alright, here’s the thing. We understand ramen, or soup, or even the occasional Chef Boyardee. But unless you’re a hungry toddler, nobody wants Spaghetti-O’s. Add some processed hot dogs, and it becomes even worse. We’re not so much criticizing the C-Store for having these, but Campbell’s for making them at all.

 4.) Seaweed snacks:

Okay, we’ve all tried these at some point, and the majority rules: disappointing. Not to mention horrendously overpriced. There’s no reason for the C-Store to sell them. Call me crazy, but it seems pretty likely that, “Man, I’m really craving those seaweed snacks right now,” has never been said by a single student in the history of ever. They should honestly just be kept around for in December so that people can buy them as gag gifts.

 3.) Giant pickles:

We get it. Some people really like pickles, but spicy ones? This is the kind of thing that just doesn’t apply to the general student population. Are they trying to be inclusive? Is this like having one left-handed desk in a room for 200? We don’t know; we also really aren’t going to buy any of these pickles. You can if you want though; they’re there for a reason!

 2.) Cheese pizza Lunchables:

This is the only one that we think is just genuinely disrespectful. If you’re buying a Lunchable on campus, you’ve had a mental breakdown that only reverting to your childhood self can repair. On this bender of junk food and misery, you don’t just want any Lunchable. You want the pepperoni pizza with the Crunch bar dessert. That’s it. You want that and some chocolate milk. Maybe this is too specific, but come on. These are already being bought in times of pain, at least include the extras!

 1.) Valentine’s Day gifts:

These seem reasonable enough, but seriously GV? If you’re going to try and capitalize on those poor freshman souls who are inevitably in the dog house ALREADY, at least make these gifts semi-affordable. These kids are already spending all their debit dollars on their significant others. They can’t afford that stuffed puppy for $12.99! Let them make up or break up with some money left over to beg their upperclassmen friends to drive them around.

All in all, the C-Stores are incredibly helpful. We’ve all needed breakdown food at 2 a.m. Sometimes you just want some ice cream at midnight, or maybe some overpriced toilet paper and Advil. We don’t judge you for your needs, and neither does Grand Valley. That being said, some of the things they sell are just downright weird.

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