Though it’s a new semester, really, what are the chances that the looming bus problem has been fixed? Slim to none. Buses arrive in groups of three or not at all, and we still have to stand too close to strangers’ armpits because the buses are always packed beyond capacity. You can’t even trust the MyStop app for onboard counts! Obviously, the only solution is to move on campus and avoid transportation altogether. But to avoid paying high housing costs, you’ll have to get crafty.
6.) The Library:
Literally the best idea about this is that in the atrium they have a Hot Pocket vending machine right across from a microwave. The library is easily the most livable with the comfort of seating, the large literal beds underneath the stairs, available bathrooms, Wi-Fi, food, Argo…and it’s on the bus line so you can literally flip off the Rapid and its riders from the comfort of your window bed.
5.) The Cook-Carillon Clocktower:
Don’t lie, you’ve thought about living in this magic “tree” house multiple times before. Spy on your peers, be no more than five minutes away from any class, drop eggs on the tablers; now’s the time to fulfill your dream of becoming the Hunchback of Notre Dame and ring the bells whenever you want, preferably when people are talking, at random intervals like 2:34 and 8:13, and for unnecessary periods of time just like the real clocktower.
4.) Under T-Haas’s Desk:
It’s roomy, it’s luxurious and gold, the office is spacious; no one will even know you’re there! Take presidential calls and check and type important emails to help yo’ boy T-Haas out for letting you crash in his home away from home because he doesn’t like having to ride the Rapid either.
3.) Handicapped Bathroom Stalls:
Everyone avoids the largest stalls for the people that need them most, but you need them too! Set up a cot, get some cable, and install a fireplace to complete your abode. It may not be the best place to hang out since you have to leave when someone’s gotta go during the day, but after 6 p.m., campus clears out and you’ll have complete silence. Is it really so much worse than getting a butt to the abdomen or listening to loud phone conversations on the bus?
2.) Nursing Mothers Rooms:
May we recommend the one on the 3rd floor of Lake Ontario Hall? These rooms often come pre-equipped with a comfortable chair and table. The best part is that the door has a lock to keep out your enemies and nosey custodians. These rooms are rarely used so you don’t even have to leave if you don’t want to.
1.) The Sewers:
It’s warm in winter, rent-free, and that’s about it. You can make friends with the rats and become their cape-wearing overlord. Yeah it may be smelly, but so are the people riding the bus. At least it’s quiet and you can be as naked as you want.
A life without the Rapid is attainable for anyone, it just depends on your level of dedication. Seriously though, you should probably plug in your mini fridge and reserve your new “apartment” before someone else snatches it up.