Can We All Just Agree that Writing is the Worst Major at GVSU?

author-pic at Grand Valley State University  

Have you ever fantasized about escaping your incredibly frustrating and overwhelming major and just window shopped through GV’s Majors & Programs list? After scrolling all the way to the bottom of the grandiose list of opportunities, “writing” is the last entry and not just because of the alphabetical order.  Writing is the worst major at GVSU. Just try and fight us on it!

If you’re a freshman, you’re probably in the process of struggle-busing it through Writing 150, the bleak abyss of “college level” writing and formatting.  Besides throwing together a bunch of fresh, shy students, everyone has a different writing competence based on their high school classes. This competence is graded on a scale of 0 to none by your professors who think they write like Charles Dickens but are actually more like Stephenie Meyer.  Just because you’re doing well in this class doesn’t mean you should make it your major.

Writing majors have papers “peer-reviewed” by other students who have no clue what they’re doing. You’ll come to realize you have peers who don’t know better than you trying to give you feedback and man are they full of shit.  Enjoy getting your paper read by students who can’t tell the difference between “Louie the Laker” and “Louie the laker,”  personal essay vs. memoir, and haven’t had an internship though they’re now seniors. What a waste of time.

If you’re a writing major and actually need real feedback on your stories, you better have free time for office hours. There’s no one-on-one time with an experienced writer (your professor), just the awkward class-wide workshops where students pick one thing from your story to discuss and nothing else.

Professors are forced to sit in their office with their door open in Lake Ontario Hall for the only 1-2 hours each day you have class. Don’t even try emailing them with questions because it’ll get lost in the sea of other emails from students they haven’t bothered to read or answer.

You can kiss your 500 prints goodbye! Professors won’t let you have a laptop to read your mass amounts of assignments and papers, but encourage you to buy your own printer. They’re only $30 at Walmart and you can sell your soul for printer ink. Professors don’t care how many times you’ve tried to print your paper in their ridiculous “My way or an F” format. Your first paper on why some obscure and meaningless detail in whichever ancient novel you’re reading relates to the constantly frigid temperature in Allendale is due tomorrow, and by the way it’s 499 pages.  

If you’re currently a writing major or planning on revamping your whole student life to become one, take this article as a sign to GET OUT NOW.  Your eyes will burn out of your head from all the meaningless reading you have to do to realize some dead guy’s “unique” writing style.  Hopefully, you like creative writing because that’s all you’ll come to know. Not learn, but know. Your skills won’t develop, but at least you’ll have a portfolio of fiction writing no one has jobs for!