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5 People You’ll Meet at a GVSU Football Tailgate

What can we say, tailgates are a fun way to get pumped, get drunk, and get that Laker For a Lifetime experience. Offering another excuse to party hard, tailgating before any GVSU football game brings out the most diverse personalities that reside in Grand Valley students from the poor chap trying to make his way through the crowd to the atypical frat boy shotgunning beer, tailgates have a lot to offer. To get a better idea of what to expect and who you will meet this season, The Black Sheep compiled a list of the people you are bound to meet at a GVSU football tailgate.

5.) The person who doesn’t want to be there:

rbf

Although not entirely a party pooper, this gentleman/lady just happened to walk through at the wrong time. Maybe somebody caught their eye and approached to make drunk conversation, or maybe they were sucked in as a “celeb shot” for a game of beer pong, but all you can tell is this person hates it. Typically, you can spot him or her by their RBF, crossed arms, and the lack of spilled beer on their sweatshirt. If you see one, honestly, help them escape.

4.) The try-hard:

guy

This person is the second most crazily dressed person there aside from Louie. He/she will be decked out to the max with a blue/black/white face, pom-poms coming out of their hair, and possibly wearing a kilt. They will go around screaming “Go Lakers!” while flexing their muscles and making masculine throat noises that nobody can actually decipher. Basically the most annoying person in the parking lot.

3.) The “football” fans:

valley girl

We all know this group. They come dressed up, drinks in hand, and selfie sticks at the ready. They will spend most of the night posing for pictures that they can caption “I <3 Grand Valley!” or “Go Lakers, LOL!!” but when members of the group are approached about football, they respond with “Yeah! That guy totally traveled, I can’t believe Louie didn’t catch it!” They just wanna do what’s “cool” to say they did. Yep.

2.) The actual football fans:

guy 2

Not to be stereotypical, but this group will probably be majority sausage with maybe one or two hot buns. They’ll be arguing back and forth about how much jail time the quarterbacks second uncle’s nephew’s cousin has left while also laughing manically at the incompetence of the rest of the crowd. They are, and will make sure everyone knows, the most knowledgeable people you will come across that night regardless of the excessive drinking.

1.) The futball fan:

Futball

There’s always one. He’ll come in belligerently drunk, with a smoking hot accent, yelling about one thing or another on how American football is not real football. Or, if you’re lucky enough to witness the rare event of confusion, you will see this person enter the football stadium with enthusiasm only to watch the excitement slowly drain from their face as they realize they have been foiled again by the pigskin.

Tailgates are an excellent way to meet people, have some fun, and celebrate the football team doing stuff before everyone gets bored and leaves before the half-time show. Just be on the lookout for these people and if you can only detect four of them, sorry, but you’re probably the fifth. 

 

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