From Sex to Murder: Four Ways to Utilize Empty Classrooms at GV During the Summer

author-pic Rachel Krawchuk at Grand Valley State University  

Summer semester at GVSU means less students milling around and far less classes in session, which leaves more hours in the day to make non-traditional use of the classrooms. So if  you find yourself needing some free space this summer, here are four ways they can be used for outside of making you doze off to your monotone Classic Mythology prof:

4.) Have Sex in Au Sable’s Deserted Classrooms:

Ask that hottie Mark in your Bio 121 course if he’s down for a quick “study sesh” late at night in the slightly out-of-the-way building of Au Sable, so that less people are likely to distract (walk in on) you two. If he actually shows up with books and a mind set on studying, it’s up to you to teach him the real lesson tonight. After all, practice is the best form of studying and you’re only looking out for both of your GPAs by getting close and personal with real human biology knowledge.

3.) Escape Your Roommate so You Can Fart Freely in the Comfort of an Empty Classroom:

You’ve just started your summer courses after a long Winter Semester. You really should be relaxing on a beach somewhere, being able to fart at your leisure. But your new fart-a-phobic roomie will have none of it, they’ve made it known that under no circumstances should they have to hear, or heaven forbid, smell one of your nasty farts again.. Escaping to an abandoned Lake Michigan to let out some steam will help with some of the pent-up stress… or farts that you’ve been holding back. Bonus points if your fart smells wind up on the Overheard (smelled) at GVSU page on Facebook.

2.) Overcome Your Fears of Going to Class in Your Undies:

We’ve all had that nightmare of being trapped in class wearing only our underwear. With age, the fear never seems to go away, if anything it’s more likely after a long night of drinking to forget to wear those annoying leg coverings. With access to classrooms nearly 24/7 now is the time to live out the nightmare and face it head on. In time, you may be able to save on trips home for your parents to wash your clothes as the only thing you’ll be wearing aside from your newfound confidence is your underwear.

1.) Join “Louie’s Wrath”:

Off-duty rooms are also ideal for those secret weekly cult — we mean club — meetings. GVSU’s secret “club” known only to a select few and necessary faculty members: aka T. Haas, has been growing steadily through the years, thanks to the use of empty classrooms.  Simply known as “Louie’s Wrath,” the “club” is a group of students who take special care of teachers who fail too many students. Ever walk into a class that smells a bit weird, especially in the summer heat? Henry Hall anyone? It’s just that the janitors haven’t gotten around to disposing of the bodies of those professors who continually abused their power over the students.

Whether bonding together to bring justice to the corrupt adults who think they are running the school, or to escape your crazy mad scientist roomie who likes to take over the kitchen to make their… concoctions, the empty shells of the learning institute will welcome you like upperclassmen at GV welcome the chance to eat off campus.