10 Things Only UIC Students Find Normal

author-pic at Illinois (Chicago)  

UIC is an odd place. Going to school here comes with a variety of new experiences. Some of these experiences will prepare you for life later down the road, but most of them will train you to tolerate weird people and prompt you to ask yourself, “What the hell is going on?” Sure, there are a ton of abnormal things happening around campus any day of the week, but here we showcase ten things the students at The University of Illinois at Chicago have become accustomed to:

10.) A new crime alert every night:

 Being located on Chicago’s southwest side, it’s pretty common that UIC sends out a new crime alert every day. Remember that one time that guy got his pants stolen outside of the UIC Forum?

 9.) The homeless guys who rap:

 Everyone needs to start somewhere, right? He runs up to you and gives you three topics: women, money, or politics. You choose one and he gives you a “rap” that can be compared to a poem written by a 4th grader. The worst part about his is he expects to get paid after he wastes ten minutes of your day and follows you all the way down Taylor Street.

 8.) Avoiding errant skateboards in The Quad:

 If you go to UIC you know that, in recent years, The Quad went from an area on campus where students can socialize between classes to an X-Games training center. With more and more skaters taking over The Quad every day, it looks like UIC is going to have no choice but to eventually build a half pipe for them.

 7.) Getting bullied by the wind:

Even Chicago’s most chaotic wind cannot compare to the tornadoes circulating around University Hall on a daily basis. On a good day UIC’s biggest building will push over more than ten students. If you’re lucky you can catch the draft and get to class in a matter of seconds.

 

6.) Sleeping in the library:

Everyone’s done it. During the stress of finals week the first floor of the lib is filled with so many unconscious commuters it looks like a homeless shelter.

5.) Avoiding solicitors and pyramid schemes:

If you walk through SCE on any given day there will be someone trying to sell you one of… something. It could be the old guy with newspapers by the escalators or the Vector Company trying to rope you into an empty life filled with endless sales pitches.

4.) Drinking with locals twice their age:

Ever been to Little Joe’s on a Monday night? It’s a time to (probably not) remember. While the bar is filled with UIC students on Monday nights, there are a handful of locals in attendance as well. If you’re friendly, they’ll buy you a drink and you just might hear about that one time they stole a painting from a lesbian bar in Iowa. And yes, that’s a true story.

3.) Complaining about going out on Thursday, then going out anyway:

 It’s a Thursday tradition. Bitching about how much you hate 10 Doors, refusing to go, realizing that everyone is going, coming to terms with your night, and slowly getting ready to drink with freshmen and wannabe frat stars wearing jerseys.

2.) Running from that goddamn mascot:

 

Have you ever seen Sparky? The UIC Flames’ mascot is something conjured up from a nightmare. Something went terribly wrong while making that costume. Sparky is supposed to look like a family-friendly dragon, but instead looks like a crack addict looking to suck school spirit out of you for his next fix. No matter what you think of the costume, everyone can agree that when he follows you down Halsted, it’s a bit discomforting.

1.) Professors being late to class:

This happens a lot. We understand five minutes. Professors are people too, but fifteen minutes? Now, that’s just unprofessional. If you’re going to be fifteen minutes late don’t bitch when we walk in ten minutes late with Chick-fil-A.