5 Phenomena You’ll See in the UIC Quad

author-pic at Illinois (Chicago)  

Fall is the nicest season to be on UIC’s campus: the weather is nice, the leaves are changing colors, and nobody’s too pissed at their classes (yet). As a result, the Quad is always bustling with weirdos this time of year. Here’s a quick look at the strangeness you’ll see in the UIC Quad every day until it gets cold and barren.

 

Skateboarders:

Every time you step foot on the Quad there’s a 5% chance you’ll be hit by a skateboarder. They careen about at speeds that would make a fixie biker quail, never mind the crowd – weaving through them is just an added challenge. Chances are, in the 10 seconds it takes you to cross the Quad you’ll see at least three wipeouts; on the bright side, when you finally see one of the skaters land a kickflip the others will go apeshit – especially if they do it over the manhole cover on the northern side of the Quad. Gnarly, bro!

PETA Members:

Without fail, there is one person near the Quad every weekday to make you feel bad about eating meat. They’ll foist on you pamphlets featuring mangled bunnies despite your protests that you don’t give a shit about the whales. To the average PETA canvasser, UIC students are heathens who eat nothing but Chick-Fil-A and Panda Express – by the way, did you know it’s illegal to eat panda? They’re endangered. These guys will make you feel guilty about anything from not adopting puppies to how many cows you’ve consumed in your lifetime. It’s best to put your headphones in, keep your head down, and pretend they don’t exist.

Frat Guys:

In the absence of real fraternity houses, UIC’s frat boys post up in the next best place: the Quad. Repping their letters loud and proud, it’s impossible to walk through the Quad and not see a group of them sequestered off from the general plebeian population. Chances are, you’ll also have to duck to avoid a football thrown by a washed-up high school quarterback turned frat boy. Their territorial pissings are a long-term game: at the beginning of each day one of them will inevitably try to cluster on the raised 3-step dais on the north side of the Quad to demonstrate their superiority to the other frats scattered around benches on the ground level. Whoever sits on those ground level benches is bottom tier, bro!

Democratic Socialists:

With the wild popularity of Bernie Sanders in the 2016 election it was inevitable that this movement would infect UIC’s liberal population. The movement is spearheaded by the old man handing out socialist newspapers by the escalators in SCE – he’s been doing it for generations of UIC students. Despite past disinterest, he kept at it long enough for savior Sanders to breathe fresh life into his club. As soon as you hear “so how about…” you know its time to start running up the escalator.

Poorly-Attended UIC Events:

UIC loves trying to engage their students on campus, despite being a self-recognized commuter school. Nearly every week during the school year, UIC attempts to lure unsuspecting freshmen into a team building exercise between classes. A recent attempt included a kiddie pool with a log that the victims were expected to balance on. This is UIC, not American Ninja Warrior, c’mon give the students something they actually want, like dunking Chancellor Amiridis, not themselves.

The UIC Quad is the most diverse place on campus at times. It’s also the most avoided during winter months. Despite some of its downsides, enjoy the campus while you can – in another month nobody will set foot on it except to change lecture halls.