5 Ways to Assert Your New Greek Dominance Over UIC
Congratulations you did it, you got a bid from a Greek organization! Do you know what that means? You’re no longer a bitch-ass geed. Since you’ve been granted the rank of frat star, you now have a reputation to uphold in the Greek community. To help you in your quest to demean the rest of campus, The Black Sheep has compiled a list of things that will assure your dominance over campus and all the lame GDIs who inhabit it.
Letters. All the time. Everywhere:
You have to make sure that everyone walking around UIC’s campus knows that you’re in a Greek org. The best way to do this is to showcase your letters in any way you can. Shirts, pants, obnoxious wooden letters. You may be saying, “But, I’m just a bitch-ass pledge, I can’t even wear letters yet!” The solution? Stand by as many people wearing letters as you can. Sit with them at the lib, walk to class with them, or pick up their garbage after they slam some Panda Express. You’re a pledge, after all! Even if you’re just dragging those heavy-ass letters down Taylor Street looking like an ant carrying fives times its body weight, people will still know you’re Greek.
Remember those ripped jeans you liked so much? How about that dress you always wore? Well forget about them. Those go in the garbage now. From here on out it’s Chubbies for guys and big t-shirts with shorts for girls. How else are people going to know you’re in Greek life? You can’t be seen in the Quad with those Vans, either, you’re going to have to burn ‘em and get yourself a pair of Sperry’s. Want to rock that cool UIC Flames athletics shirt? Too bad, you’re in Greek life now. Get a Vineyard Vines long sleeve and drink a damn beer.
In the age of social media, showcasing your accomplishments is easier than ever. Now that you’ve been accepted into a chapter, it’s time to learn your hand signal and throw it up everywhere you go. Whether it’s the Grand Canyon, Niagara Falls, or a decrepit rooftop in Pilsen everyone is going to be so, so jealous of you. If your pictures are cool enough maybe you’ll even be featured on the UIC FSL (Fraternity/Sorority Life) Instagram page. A real honor to the seven people who actually follow it.
Squad in the Quad:
Hanging out on the Quad with your crew is a great way to assert your dominance on campus. When with all of your members of your organization you can finally evolve into the asshole you’ve always aspired to be. Bully the activists, yell at the skaters, toss a football and hit people “by accident.” UIC is full of nerds who are super-focused on school. Break their focus by showing off how sick you are, and how dumb academics are now that you’re Greek.
Learn Your Totally Cool, Not-Annoying Greek Chant:
The best way for people to know that you’re involved in Greek Life is to learn your fraternity or sorority’s chant. This could go anywhere from screaming your letters to having a whole song and dance planned out. This chant will assure that you have the edge over the sad Geeds of UIC, forcing them to scurry into lecture centers and the library in fear like it’s a duel in the wild west. These chants are in no way annoying and everyone totally wants to hear them all the time.