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6 Places at UIC the Guy Jerking Off in The Lib Wouldn’t Have Gotten Caught

Last week while February was just beginning, one UIC student was a little more focused on finishing.  Putting the J in Richard J. Daley Library, the student was found between bookshelves masturbating and fled from the person who found him. Cum on, you know? Here, The Black Sheep breaks down a few places on campus where rubbing one out would have been safer.

6.) Private Room in The Lib:

Dying for pleasure while studying? Sometimes a boner comes around and you just can’t urge it away. The plus with these rooms are that he needed a key to enter and they look like they’re not even there – the ideal situation for any aspiring library masturbator.

5.) 6th Floor of SCE Tower:

Most UIC students don’t even know that SCE Tower is a thing. Why the masturbating man didn’t op for a more private place is beyond us, but if he were looking for a public place SCE Tower offers the rush of jerking off in public and the privacy of not looking like a fucking weirdo.

4.) Hidden Corridor of BSB:

While stickying up the pages in between bookshelves, the masturbation menace of the UIC lib should have been thinking about posting up in a hidden hallway of BSB. The twists and turns of the Behavioral Science Building could have provided excellent cover to bust a nut before carrying on to his 3p.m. finance class.

3.) Argo Tea:

Because who the fuck actually goes to Argo Tea?

2.) The Bathroom in SCE:

With all the privacy that could be desired and the central location on campus to hear the hustle and bustle, the SCE bathrooms are optimal to meet all public masturbation needs.

1.) In Between Bookshelves in the Lib:

Realistically, getting a nut between the bookshelves was probably the best idea. When was the last time anyone actually checked out a book at the lib? 1997? We have computers for that shit now. If jerking it in public is your cup of tea could you really think of a better place then lodged between those dusty ass books?


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