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6 Ways to Tell That DePaul Girl That You Really go to UIC

So the jig is finally up. You’ve held a steady conversation with that attractive DePaul girl for about 15 minutes now. You’ve talked about her dad’s six-figure salary and how everything that isn’t from Lululemon just doesn’t fit the same. The time has come to discuss school and you finally need to nut up and pull the DePaul mask off your face to reveal that you actually go to UIC like some sort of fucked-up Chicago university-themed episode of Scooby-Doo. Here The Black Sheep helps facilitate the gut punch you’re about to dish out.

6.) Honesty:

Well, you could be honest and let Becky know that you’ve been attending The University of Illinois at Chicago for 2 years now, but honesty flew out the window as soon as you told her that you love business school and already have 3 internships under your belt. If being honest (like a ~moral person~) is your cup of tea, then maybe this girl will like you for who you really are, but probably not.

5.) Lie:

Usually the first instinct and overall best option, lying solves a lot of problems; your late term paper, that other late term paper, skipping that “mandatory service event” to get high. Hell, if it weren’t for lying about things you’ve done, you wouldn’t have even gotten into UIC at all. Continue to comment on Lincoln Park bars and how confusing that one campus building is… she’ll never figure it out.

4.) U of C:

If lying isn’t your thing, perhaps lying’s cousin, stretching the truth, can help you out. When it comes time to tell all about your education, bank on mumbling and the loud music of this party to mask the stench of UIC with the prestige of U of C. Sure you don’t go to the University of Chicago, but DePaul Debbie thought that’s what you said and who are you to tell her she’s wrong?

3.) Wait for a spit-take:

She has no clue, but you’re about to drop some knowledge on this Lincoln Park Lindsey and the shock is going to be visible. Make yourself the life of the party, as soon as she takes the next sip of her locally brewed IPA drop the UIC bomb and watch those hops fly.

2.) Diversion:

Nothing like dodging a question, especially when it will almost certainly end a conversation that you’re enjoying. Every time something about college comes up ask her about the white Jeep she drives. When she asks where you live tell her that you love French bulldogs too, Anything that will take away the shame of admitting that you go UIC.

1.) Take the shame:

When it all comes down to it, you’re going to have to tell your new DePaul bae that you’re not the prestigious socialite you seem to be. If she couldn’t tell from the lingering smell of cigarettes (you don’t even smoke, WTF?) or the working-class sweat that’s dripping off of you then it might be time to finally let your soul free and tell her that you don’t actually live in the Loop. If she’s really the one, she’ll like you for you, but if she’s from the Northwest suburbs and was raised in a 7-bedroom house, then she’ll just go find the nearest guy in a Patagonia sporting a backwards Vineyard Vines hat.

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