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Illinois (Chicago)

The Black Sheep Investigates: UIC’s West Campus

Few undergrads have ever ventured out to the other half of UIC. While it is certainly the goal of UIC’s thousands strong bio-pre-med population to make it to West Campus, most never make it past org chem and end up switching their majors to business. But not to fear, unlike yourself, The Black Sheep will not let you down.

The operation begins in The Dorothy Bradley Atkins Medicinal Plant Garden. The fact that it is sunken below ground level really puts one in the shoes of a med student. It is not difficult to imagine the crushing pressure of a strenuous curriculum and skyrocketing student debt coming in from all sides. Furthermore, being below ground level must really reinforce the connection students feel to the cadavers that they presumably spend all day slicing up.

Where is this? University of Chicago? Princeton? Yale? No, it is the courtyard of the something-something-medical-something-doctor building in West Campus. The beauty of the Art Deco architecture brings a tear one’s eye. However, this quickly turns to bitterness when one remembers the decrepit squalor of East Campus. UIC is lucky that the vast majority of the undergraduate student body returns each night to the watchful eye of mom and dad. An injustice like this would be cause to riot for universities whose student bodies are more present, or at least give a shit. But, let’s be honest — if the undergrads didn’t start setting things on fire when Wendy’s closed then they never will.

Ah yes, the UIC Medical Bookstore, what could be inside? Even more expensive textbooks? Even more lame Flames apparel? A variety of electronics you can get on Amazon for half the price? While most of these things are inside, so is something that was never expected, prepare yourself.

Yes, the UIC Medical Bookstore has a large variety of stuffed STDs. There is really no need to make a joke here. However, if you are reading this and have happened to purchase one of these, please consider contacting The Black Sheep, we have questions.

Visiting the west side Lib was a metaphysical experience. The shocking amount of focus on display made it clear that the Library of Health Sciences transcends the normal plane of UIC mediocracy into a higher realm of productivity and intellectual achievement. It was 2 o’clock on a Friday afternoon, yet dozens of students sat spread out in silence. They were all deeply engrossed in their laptops, presumably hard at work memorizing diagnoses from WebMD. Our initial feeling of shock eventually wore off and turned to disconcertion, so we got the hell out as fast as possible before we caught dangerous infections, such as a motivation to study or an interest in human anatomy.

With all the differences between East and West Campus, one can quickly forget that these are two halves of a greater whole. Fortunately, both campuses have at least one thing in common: these nasty concrete benches built in the 1960s. Now for the love of God don’t go and comment that they were actually built during the 70s. Let us bridge the east-west divide by saying that neither anyone of West Campus nor anyone on East Campus gives a shit.

Know anyone at one of these schools?

UNC-Wilmington –$100 BOUNTY
University of Arizona — $300 BOUNTY!
Texas A&M Corpus Christi — $100 bounty!
Auburn — $100 bounty!
Penn State — $100 bounty!
Indiana — $100 bounty!
SUNY Oswego — $100 bounty!

Refer a friend for a marketing job, get $$$$ if they’re hired!

DM our twitter and we’ll take it from there!

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