A Ranking of UIC’s On-Campus Food Options

author-pic at Illinois (Chicago)  

Unfortunately, UIC isn’t the most beautiful school in the world, nor does it have the most inviting atmosphere. Luckily, campus makes up for its many, many …many faults by offering an above-average slate of restaurants found on its grounds. From tacos to Chinese, there’s just about every option you can think of. The Black Sheep decided to rank them:

 

9.) Burrito Bravo:

Found in UIC’s inner circle, Burrito Bravo offers a variety of Mexican food. Resembling a hot dog stand and serving below-average food, the line there is usually no more than one person deep, so the wait is never long. If you’re in the mood for gut-wrenching tacos and with a cardboard taste, this is the place for you.

8.) Sbarro:

The only pizza place on campus, Sbarro is a staple for anyone who wants food as quickly as they can get it. An average wait time of four minutes attracts those who don’t care about what they’re putting in their body as long as it’s greasy and fills them up before class.

7.) Argo Tea:

Argo Tea cracks the list for strictly aesthetic reasons. The most inviting and well-kept restaurant on campus, Argo Tea attracts hipsters who pretend that their drinks don’t taste like grass and sidewalk dirt. Argo Tea is a proud sponsor of skinny-jean, denim-jacket sporting students who wear fake glasses. They’re usually the only people who go there, anyway.

6.) Au Bon Pain:

Au Bon Pain is a forgotten treasure at UIC. Many aren’t aware of its existence, but can’t miss its bright yellow walls when walking through the prison-like building that is BSB. A great place for coffee, pastries, and lunchtime snacks, Au Bon Pain’s downfall is the one cash register usually manned by workers who move slower than the construction on University Hall.

5.) Subway:

A well-oiled machine, Subway has been pushing students in and out of its venue for years. Though the line is the longest of the restaurants in the Inner Circle, the average wait is about five minutes. Subway’s major downside is the occasional fuckup of your order, which they do, often. Since they have so many customers, Subway just doesn’t care.

4.) Dunkin’ Donuts:

Great for sugary drinks, rock-hard donuts, and hot food that will melt the insides of your mouth, Dunkin’ Donuts find itself rather low on our list. A continued status of high-quality, quick products keeps UIC running on DD. Additionally, if you’re cool with the workers they’ll occasionally slip you some extra donuts or a free coffee that no one claimed at the pick-up window and ask you to smoke a joint with them. 

3.) Library Fake Starbucks:

The best place to get coffee on campus. Somehow not affiliated with Starbucks, but wielding the logo anyway, Fake Starbucks offers quality snacks, affordable coffee, and the sweetest lady you’ll ever meet serving its patrons. The “what can I get for ya sweetie?” and the “have a good day, love” will brighten up even the most pissed-off UIC student’s day.

2.) Panda Express:

Panda came to UIC with as much hype as a new Yeezy drop. The anticipation paid off when Panda finally opened its doors in spring of 2017. Offering their one-of-a-kind garbage Chinese cuisine, it’s a must for UIC students who have an hour and a half to kill. It’s rumored that a couple of people have met, dated, and married while waiting in Panda Express’ line.

1.) Chick-Fil-A:

The gold standard for dining at UIC. Chick-Fil-A boasts quick service, top-quality food, and an overly friendly staff. Though the line is often longer than any line at UIC, the reward is well worth the wait. Since the restaurant is an Express Chick-Fil-A, your order never takes more than two minutes to get you. Its Chicago-themed decorations littered with cows encouraging the consumption of chicken provides great distraction as you wait in that excruciating line.