Once prided as a hub of collaboration between students, the UIC library Idea Commons has been deep in one of its worst idea recessions in recent memory.
“It’s just shocking,” said UIC Sophomore Alan Smith, “I had two of my buddies go there to study this morning, only to end up browsing Steve Harvey memes for four hours.”
Taking a closer look inside, one can find the Idea Commons in almost complete shambles, with dozens of comatose students sprawled out across the neon-colored furniture.
Even the Commons’ many whiteboards, once used to help students collaborate on complex equations or draw diagrams of the human brain, were now home to nothing but anatomically correct drawings of penises.
Rich Lindholm, a UIC library administrator, said, “I’ve never seen anything like it in any of my twenty long years working here. These midterms have not only drained these kids; the midterms have broken them.”
Immediately after saying this, Lindholm was stabbed by a crazed, pencil-wielding exchange student.
“It’s these damned midterms man,” said a hairy, unwashed student who had spent the past week living inside an Ink Smart Station, “I haven’t had an idea in weeks.”
Some have profited from the chaos through the short selling of ideas days before it hit the commons.
In response to the chaos, the upper echelons of the UIC government have decided that an idea bailout is “the most necessary step towards solving this crisis.”
While the action will help to solve things, the damage has clearly already been done.