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Illinois (Chicago)

Thanks For Ruining a Beautiful Morning, You Pro-Life Crazies

On Wednesday, a band of pro-life crazies from took to UIC’s campus to show all the beauties of abortion. Mounting upwards of ten signs showcasing what abortion actually looks like (you know what we’re talking about). The group aimed to change the mind of countless liberal students who frankly couldn’t give a shit as they walked to 9 a.m. lectures nursing a hangover.

After a light breakfast with coffee in hand, students walking to their classes at BSB struggled to hold down their avocado toast at the sight of the signs. Pro-life activists approached everyone passing with a flier highlighting the process of abortion, to which almost everyone said, “no fucking thanks.”

“I woke up at 8 a.m. and rode the Blue Line to campus for this just to have my day ruined,” said junior Mike Stevens. “I already have to look at this ugly ass campus everyday—being greeted by this those damn signs is the last thing I needed.”

Showing up at one of the most liberal schools in the country (we ran Donald Trump out of the damn city when he showed up) was definitely a bold move by, whose name sounds incredibly more liberal and inclusive than actually intended.  Thinking they were going to change the views of stubborn college kids was probably just as dumb as the people actually grabbing the pamphlets they were handing out.

“It’s the only way to grab their attention,” said Linda Hafferty of “All these kids are staring at their phones, smoking those damn electronic cigarettes, and listening to their rap music, they never try to learn more about the cause. To get the word out about the murder of babies these signs were the only option. They draw attention.”

Before figuring out what the signs were actually showing, Stevens admitted his original thoughts: “I thought they were abstract art when I first saw them. When I finally walked closer and saw the pamphlet they were handing out I nearly vomited.”

Know anyone at one of these schools? Refer a friend for a marketing job, get $100 if they’re hired!



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