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Trump and R. Kelly to Collaborate on UIC Pavillion Diss Track

CHICAGO — The beats were heavy and the rhymes were sick in the Washington D.C. studio where R&B legend R. Kelly and President Donald Trump were recording their brand new diss track over the weekend. The target? UIC Pavilion.

“We both feel very hurt that the UIC student body would not allow us to perform at the pavilion,” Kelly said. “After Donald found out about me being banned from the show, he reached out to me with an idea for how to get back at the school.”

Kelly had recently been taken off of the bill for 2018 Love Jam to be held at Pavilion after students protested his appearance due to his history of sexual misconduct allegations.  

Trump had also cancelled an appearance at the Pavilion due to student protests during his infamous 2016 presidential campaign, which was also dogged by sexual misconduct allegations and criticisms of his inflammatory rhetoric.

“I reached out to R. Kelly and said ‘R, you have the most beautiful voice I have ever heard, and we are going to make the greatest diss track ever written by a human, I guarantee it,” Trump said. 

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Featuring Kelly’s signature vocals and freestyles from Trump, both collaborators believe that the track will come to redefine the ever popular college auditorium-based diss track genre.

“Don’s an absolute machine in the studio” Kelly said, while watching Trump bust a fat verse. “UIC better watch the fuck out because we ain’t pulling any punches on this track.”

With headphones on and his mouth against the mic, President Trump began rapping: “Banning me, from the Pavilion/has got me, really angry, son/allegations, what are those?/I’m too busy chilling with my hoes.”

“Oh, just please kill me,” said Kevin Jones, one of the studio’s audio engineers.

The track, “Donny and Kelly Pop the Pavillion,” is due for release next month, and the duo say that the new track is going to top the charts once it hits. 

“Don’t listen to those UIC kids; we’re not bad guys,” Kelly said. “We just do bad things to innocent people.”

“And the best part about the track is that UIC is going to pay for it” Trump said. 

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