It’s no secret that UIC’s once-beloved Spark In The Park concert series has seen a sizable dip in quality these past few years. Big name acts like Twenty-One Pilots and Chance the Rapper once graced the stage. Spark In The Park 2018 is now a home for burnouts like Nick Jonas and some guy from the show “Empire.” This would be fine if it wasn’t for the fact that for the first time in its run, “Spark” will no longer be a free event for students. You know what will never disappoint you like “Spark” does? These pictures of Turtles wearing sweaters, that’s what.
6.) High in vitamin awwwwww:
An apple a day keeps the doctor away! Kind of like how charging $10 for a painfully mediocre concert experience that used to be free will keep the full tuition-paying students away!
5.) Fire up!:
This little fella has way more school spirit than the cynical bureaucrats who decided to charge for “Spark” this year. I hope the concert’s MC’s are looking forward to shouting “Fire up flames” to all of the 37 people who are actually going to show up.
4.) Thanksgiving came early!:
You know what I’m thankful for (besides this scaly dude’s adorable turkey cosplay)? I’m thankful for the fact that this year’s concert was so outwardly abysmal that I wasn’t on the fence about going like I was last year. Say what you want about Nick Jonas, but at least he was interesting and free.
Now look at this dapper dude! With his bow-tie, corsage, and all around swagger, this is a fella who sure knows how to dress for success! Speaking of success, this year’s edition of UIC’s Spark in the Park will be a complete failure.
2.) Who the fuck is Jussie Smollett?:
Apparently he’s on the show “Empire,” I guess. I’m sure he’s a nice guy and all, but if I were putting together an event like this, a C-list TV actor would not be one of my go-to’s. In the grand scheme of things, though, I guess this isn’t the biggest problem with the concert. Maybe this Turtle’s Taco sweater will help numb the pain.
1.) It’s burger time!:
Talk about a snack! Though he’s a slow mover, this little man will always have the fast track to our hearts whenever we’re feeling down. We’re going to need him too, because when a concert is so bad that it makes that it makes Nick Jonas look good, you know that something has gone horrifically wrong.
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