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Heartbreaking: University of Chicago Staffers Waiting For Right Moment To Tell UIC Freshman He’s At The Wrong School

After a long day of unpacking, freshman Toby MacGruber could now finally enjoy the next chapter of his life at the University of Chicago, a non-issue if it wasn’t for the fact that MacGruber was supposed to move in to the University of Illinois at Chicago.

“We’ve never had misunderstanding as extreme as this before,” said Jane Smith, the University of Chicago’s head of student housing. “People who confuse our names are normally quick to remember that we are a prestigious university with many world renowned alumni, and that UIC is on the West Side of Chicago.”

The UChicago housing staff has yet to break the news to MacGruber, but has reached out to UIC officials to form a solution.

“Jane reached out to me about the situation,” said Becky Stevens, a UIC dean. “And after hanging up on her four times for her rude comments about our student’s hygiene, we finally decided that the best course of action would be to let him down easy.”

Smith explained that bluntly giving MacGruber the bad news could cause permanent damage to MacGruber’s psyche.

“Imagine going through your entire summer thinking that you would be going to an amazing university only to be told that you were actually enrolled at UIC,” Smith said. “I personally would jump off the nearest ledge if that happened to me.”

“I’m a little disappointed in how Mrs. Smith worded worded her ideas, but I must admit that MacGruber will be disappointed in not going to the school of his choice,” Stevens said.

While the two administrators deliberate on a solution, MacGruber still looks forward to what he believes will be a fantastic first year at the University of Chicago.

“I am beyond excited! The University of Chicago is one of the greatest universities on the planet and I am honored to be attending it,” MacGruber said. “And can I just say how thankful I am that I don’t attend UIC. That would be a nightmare.”

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