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UIC Sophomore Distraught After Classmate Takes “Unassigned Assigned Seat”

Gabriella Sheet, 19, was surprised upon arrival to her 8 a.m. psychology lecture when the seat she had been occupying for the past three weeks of class was filled. She later recounted:


“I’ve been sitting there every lecture since school started. I walk in two minutes later than usual today and my seat is taken, this is ridiculous,” Sheet exclaimed. “I had no idea my seat was such a highly sought-after location in BSB 250.” Sheet left the lecture directly after seeing the seat filled, explaining that she couldn’t focus in any other available seat.


“The seat is right in the middle of the projector screen and in a great position in relation to the back of class. It’s blasphemy to think I could learn properly in any other circumstance,” said the sophomore as she swigged her large iced coffee from SCE’s Dunkin’ Donuts that she bought before heading to the lecture.


Ben Crock, the student found in Sheet’s seat, commented on the morning’s controversy.

“What? She was mad because I sat there? Man, this is my first time in lecture all year, I didn’t know people reserved seats,” said Crock, a senior at UIC, wore a hoodie, sweatpants, and smelled of liquor. “Being up at 8 a.m. is—who knew there even was an 8a.m.? I didn’t know until I got stuffed in this class. Well, I guess today just goes to show that I really shouldn’t come to lecture, like, ever.”


“All I know is that if it happens again I’m speaking to administration,” Sheet countered, “My friends at U of I don’t deal with things like this. UIC is so dumb sometimes!”


Sheet was reportedly seen in her seat the following lecture with coffee and a smug smile on her face. Ben Crock was seen out the night before class. As he’d suggested before, he did not attend the next lecture session. When asked about his whereabouts, a student in the course sighed with relief saying, “I have no idea where he is, but thank god he’s not here. The smell of tequila at 8 a.m. is not something I need.”  

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