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Illinois (Chicago)

UIC Student Tortured by Lack of Printers

Daniel Weiss, a chemistry major at UIC, was found staring around the Idea Commons of Richard J. Daley Library with a panicked look on his face.


“I’ve been looking for a computer to print my paper for the last 30 minutes,” he chattered, nervously shifting from foot to foot, “I’ve only got 10 minutes until class, I’m starting to freak out.”


Weiss looked as if he might have an aneurysm as he approached the computers at the south wall for the third time.


“This is where it all began, man, I’m just running through the same script over and over,” he muttered to himself, aggravated, “I should’ve just gone to BSB once I got out of class. This library is Printer Hell.”


Weiss looked back nervously with his head on a swivel, “I’ve been all over the lib man. “Weiss said, scratching at his arms like a fiend. “I’m about to just call it quits.”

Ben Shill, a veteran school librarian, observed Weiss’s frantic behavior with a pitiful, knowing look in his eye.


“Oh yeah, I’ve seen this hundreds of times,” Shill mused, calm at his seat behind the ACCC help desk, “at this point, I honestly think the administration is just fucking with these kids by not installing another printer. But adding a few more computers and one more printer would pretty much eliminate my position, since I’d no longer have to tell students there’s another printer by the north wall,” he shrugged.


Shill got up and walked over to the printers, “occasionally I get up, pretend to press some buttons on the printers, and sit back down. Makes the students feel like someone is doing something.” Shill said as he sipped his coffee. “Thank God there’s private faculty printers, I couldn’t put up with this. I’ve seen kids lined up for 40 minutes waiting for these things.”


Weiss let out a loud shriek as a computer finally opened up for him to use. He sent the document to print, clicked the print button, and waited for printer to spit out the page.


The Black Sheep watched Weiss stand by the printer for 5 minutes before he realized that the printer had broken. He was last seen complaining that he would rather fail then “wait in that paper Purgatory ever again.”


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