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UIC Students Baffled By How Not Terrible Things Have Been Lately

Thanks to a wave of good news like the arrival of Steak ‘n Shake, the pleasant weather, and the announcement that Kanye West would be returning to the city, the student morale of the University of Illinois at Chicago has reached an all-time high.

“For the first time in a long time, I’ve actually had a nice couple of weeks,” said Mitch Davis, a UIC sophomore. “Steak ‘n Shake is great, Kanye’s coming back, and I was totally distracted from the fact that our library’s escalator was left broken for three months!”

The string of good news has been considered a nice change of pace by most students, with one student saying enthusiastically that she “didn’t want to not be here.”

Students all over the campus have been enthusiastic about sharing how the good news has affected them.

“I had to blow dry my swimsuit because the swimsuit dryer in the men’s room had disappeared. It’s all good though because I got a killer strawberry shake on the way home!” said Devon Thomas, a senior at UIC.

Even some critics have acknowledged that things have been on the up and up.

“Sure the removal of the gymnastics program was a blow to my social life that will never be healed, but hey, Kanye’s coming back!” said Kayla Farmer, former UIC gymnastics team captain.

It seems like, at least for now, that things are looking up for the students of UIC, until something inevitably goes bad, as things usually do at UIC. 

Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb, hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep, Mackenzie & Andrea. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire. Subscribe to Talk of Shame:

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