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UIC’s “Anti-Fun” Plan Into Action With Silent 4th Floor

Upon the start of the school year many UIC students were waiting eagerly to take their places in the Richard J. Daley Library. Between wanting to study and wanting to socialize there was one place to do both: the 4th floor. Made famous by its insanity and huge collaborations of tables, it was a staple in the UIC community.


UIC has been known to put studies above all else, and the university cemented their standpoint on fun with their newest move in the Fall 2017 semester: the strict enforcement of “Quiet Study” signs hanging on the floor for over a year.


Ben Moore, a UIC senior, noted, “UIC has been trying to change the 4th floor for years. Last year they hung up the signs and everyone ignored them. UIC always pulls this half-assed shit.”

UIC made a bold move over the summer by removing all tables and replacing them with private study desks. All previous attempts to close the floor off from fun in the past have proven failures. Last year UIC started having “library cops,” as Moore called them, patrol the 4th floor to make sure that students weren’t exceeding the university’s expected levels of fun.


“We believe that studying is a habit that often gets clouded by fun,” commented the University Chancellor Michael Amiridis, “We had no choice but to finally begin our demolition of fun once and for all.”


The university plans to continue to dismantle all fun on campus as the year progresses. Next on the agenda is the closing of the marijuana haven known as the “Warm Spot” outside of SCE, and implementation of laugh-regulating radars around campus.


Before disappearing into The Quad Moore told The Black Sheep, “The 2nd floor isn’t the party floor. It just doesn’t feel right. There’s no carpet, it’s too quiet, and it’s too cold. I have no clue how UIC expects us to get work done in this environment.”  


Never again will a pack of students trek up those stairs or wait what seemed like an eternity for the elevator. Where are students to go when the 4th floor had all the outlets to charge their computers? How will students get by when they can’t study in the body heat induced sauna that was the 4th floor? No matter the case, fun will be out of the question.


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