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Illinois (Chicago)

Brutally-Honest Rebrands of 6 UIC Buildings for What They Really Are

While other universities around the country have buildings that have been standing for over 100 years with charming architecture and a prestigious feel, UIC’s buildings have no historical or sentimental value to them. Like, none. Fuck it, we broke down some of our favorite buildings around campus for what they really are.

6.) Stevenson Hall – University Fart Sauna:
With so much must and heat swirling about, Stevenson Hall seems to always smell like absolute ass. On top of foul stench, Stevenson’s rooms are all pumped with 95-degree heat. If sweat is a sign of learning, then everyone in Stevenson is absorbing tons of information all of the time.

5.) Science and Engineering Labs – Prison:
A walk around SEL proves that almost zero windows exist around the building. Walking through the halls is reminiscent of a walk through Shawshank Penitentiary, and the look of all the labs reminds us all of the horrors of solitary confinement. Sure sometimes you tell yourself that you’d rather go to prison than school, but SEL can make your dreams a reality!

4.) Behavioral Sciences Building – What the Actual Fuck:
We literally couldn’t come up with a name to justify the monstrosity that is BSB. If SEL looks like a prison, BSB is an insane asylum. Whoever the sick fuck is that designed it definitely had a passion for challenging the mind and watching people run around like a mouse through one of those cheese mazes. At least it’s got a killer view.

3.) Lincoln, Douglas, and Grant Halls – The Least Shitty Buildings on Campus:
The newest of the buildings built at UIC, these three buildings give students the small glimpse of hope they need to believe that campus won’t always looks like Chernobyl. Soon to be dethroned by UIC’s construction projects, anyone with class in them is just grateful they didn’t get placed in Burnham, Addams, or Taft Hall.

 

 

2.) Burnham, Addams, and Taft Hall – The Least Ugly Buildings’ Ugly Siblings:
With practically the same layout, Burnham, Addams, and Taft have all the structure of the new with the same must and grime as the old. The one pro of these buildings? A vending machine. One of the many cons? That vending machine never fucking works.

1.) University Hall – Crusty Waffle:
When looking at UH it’s hard not to think “What the fuck?”Like a big ugly boner, UH is something everyone at UIC tries not to look directly at, all the while feeling its presence at all times. The administration building is also the only building your parents know on campus. UH is UIC’s middle finger to anyone trying to take in the skyline from the West.

While UIC’s buildings may all smell like shit, they mostly are all actual shit. With an upgraded air conditioning system and maybe a couple of windows here and there, UIC’s academic halls might be able to compete with a real college one day.

 

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