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Illinois (Chicago)

The 5 Weird Stains on the CTA You’re Bound to See

Nothing is more alarming than rushing to work or class, quickly sitting on the bus, and feeling it. You know what feeling we’re talking about. That instant thought of “Why the hell is this seat wet?” goes rushing through your mind; the number of things you could be sitting in is limitless. Here’s how to tell apart the five staple stains on the CTA that 99% of commuters in Chicago will experience at least once in their lives.

5.) The inevitable piss stain:
This one is pretty easy to identify. The smelly scent will surely be a dead giveaway for piss. Be careful though: for once it has dried, you won’t know which seat contains the urine. You’ll only be able to smell it, the putrid odor wafting through the dead air.

4.) Barf:
As long as we’re talking about bodily fluids, why not throw this one in? It’s hard to figure out the exact origins of this stain because, again, it could’ve came from anyone. A drunk college kid? Most likely. A baby? Perhaps. The sky? It’s the limit! To be honest though, if you “accidentally” sit in vomit, you’re an idiot.

3.) Food of some sort:
Why is there a pile of peanut shells on this seat? Who’s to say. The mystery is alive and well, and while it may be considered “gross,” sitting on food may actually provide comfort and promote better posture while sitting. With the amount of old food found on the Red Line, you could probably assemble an entire meal for free. It would most likely consist of a bag of Devil Dawg’s fries (but only niblet crumbs), sunflower seed shells, and a cigarette.

2.) Is that poop?: 
Poop? Dirt? Who knows! The CTA smells like shit either way, so you never really know. In this particular photo, the poop is smeared. However, sometimes whole poop just ends up on a seat. These things happen. The trick is to avoid it at all costs.

1.) Cum?: 
But honestly if it wasn’t any of the four identified above, it’s 100% cum. This sneaky substance isn’t limited to just the seat either. You can find it on the floor, on the ceiling, smeared on the windows, etc. Basically, expect to sit somewhere around dry jizz and/or blood next time you board the CTA.

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