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5 Things You Can Do with the Shit People Hand You on the Quad

It’s bad enough we have to walk across campus on our tired lil legs, but we also have to have shit handed to us, like all the time. Most of us wish we could avoid all eye contact and whistle as we pass by (and sometimes we do), but other times we’re caught dead in our tracks and left with useless shit –or at least things we’re tired of getting. Here are 5 things you can do with all of the useless trash people hand you on the Quad!

5.) Festival ISU shirts become beer pong dust rags:
This may be the most desirable item given on campus, but even us poor college students can get bored of the these t-shirts that are given out every fuckin’ year. Sometimes you need to keep the ole’ beer keg palace clean more than you need some more apartment styled apparel. Cut these shirts up and Shamwow, you’ve got yourself a dust rag.

4.) Use flyers for warmth in BloNo’s second coming of winter:
There’s nothing more awkward than some club shlub trying to get you to come to their meetings. They’ll please you with puppy dog eyes bigger than the Milner therapy dogs’ to take their soggy sheet of paper. Get your hands on some of these bad boys and they make for great fire kindling. It’s cold enough here anyway, flyer warmth might be all you can get for a while.

3.) Repent for your sins with a free Bible!:
Y’ALL NEED JESUS.  While they may not be the most desirable, these pocket books do have their purpose. You can throw em’ at your sinful roommate and scream about their filthiness, or ya know, use it as like, a paperweight! You could also, maybe like, read it? But who has time for that in between the books we’re already supposed to be reading? 

2.) Turn those frisbees into bowls for your Lucky Charms:
If one of these finds its way into your hands and you don’t have the athletic inclination to throw it back across the Quad’s trampled fields, you can always duck and run with it. If you get away you can spray that baby down and have yourself a new cereal bowl. Just hope the frisbee bois don’t catch up to you.

1.) Mess with someone’s wellness:
While not a physical item anyone wants to be handed on campus, it’s inevitable that we all get handed disease at least once a year. After that it’s off to the Student Health Center to wait patiently among other coughs and blue furniture. What could you possibly use your grossness for? Well simple… REVENGE. You know your roommate gave you their pink eye that was so bad people thought you were trying to cosplay Reggie, now it’s payback time.

Next time you get handed shit on campus remember this: fertilize yourself with free things and you too can grow a garden of weird hobbies and habits that make us ISU students who we are.

 

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