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6 Questions for the ISU Fat Cats Who Fucked Up our Refunds

Getting a refund check is probably the only thing that’s exciting for us during finals week, until you find out that you’re not getting it through direct deposit. If you got an email over break that you’d have to go into the Student Accounts building to pick up your check, you’re probably confused as hell, so here are six questions from a fellow broke Redbird still waiting for their sweet, sweet refund check.

6.) Yooooo, are you fucking serious?:
Is this a joke? We’ve all been coasting through winter break on the 20 bucks our parents gave us when break started. We NEED this cash, so when we got an email that direct deposit won’t #bless us, you could say we were perturbed.

5.) How did you even let this happen, you big dumb, stupid idiots?:
How does a major university fuck up loan disbursements? HOW?! If we’re expected to get my shit together, it’s only fair that you guys do too. No offense. Actually, OFFENSE. God, we are so poor.

4.) Okay, fine fine whatever but like where the hell is the Student Accounts building?:
There’s nothing worse than being a junior and not knowing where some buildings on campus are. Where the hell is this building even located? We’re starting to think that this building doesn’t exist and ISU is pocketing our refunds on the low.

3.) HOW DO I SKIP THE LINES?!:
No one’s ever met anyone excited to wait in a line that floods into the street at 8 a.m., even if they’re trying to score a house lease from Young America. Can we come up with a system to reduce lines? Maybe just hand out stacks of cash at the door with any leftovers, and we’ll call it an “inconvenience fee”. 

2.) Do you understand the weight of this “hiccup?”:
Don’t know if you’re aware, you forgetful higher-ups that know nothing about anything, but the mall here sucks. Now that we had to wait for our checks, we’re all forced to buy our new semester clothes from the Eastland Mall. No one shops at American Eagle because they want to! Because of you, 2015 is making a comeback and now every girl will be wearing a flannel. AGAIN.

1.) Are you planning on giving out any free food? Even like a tiny bag of pretzels WOULD BE NICE!:
We want free food for this, and not just from Winterfest. My roommates are living off rice and tostadas when we should be living like kings this syllabus week, so hook it up with some free Portillo’s or something.

Hopefully we’re all able to find where our money is. If not, we can always survive off of our roommate’s hand me down text books and sneaking into the dining center.

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