The end of the semester is creeping up on us as fast as stealthy as a 50 year-old man leering around Brewe-Ha’s, and your Flex Dollars have disappeared faster than your motivation for schoolwork at the end of this semester. Here are 6 ways to use those fun bucks up before they disappear!
6.) $5 foot long(s):
Like a famous sword swallower, you can take your Flex flush-ass to the Subway and deep throat some foot longs. Don’t worry about the judgmental stares. Make sure to wink at the cashier as you wipe the mustard and mayo from your chin before dislocating your jaw once more to tongue punch the next sub. If anything, they might be so interested by your sublingual technique that you get an extra foot– we mean 4 inches, later.
5.) McAlister’s spoon cake:
Finals week burns good calories, and that means you’re going to have to stock up on those bad boys in the most delicious way possible: McAlister’s spoon cake. McAlister’s has always been the premium Flex Dollar dining locale. Treat yourself to a 10 course meal, consisting primarily of that creamy cool spoon cake. Hell, if you really need to burn dollars bring your roommate some too.
4.) A Whopper with extra cheese:
There’s no faster way to burn through your Flex Dollars than to give into the glorified con that is “would you like cheese on that”? Everything tastes better with cheese. The extra cash it costs is just icing on the crying cow cake.
3.) Get white girl wasted at Starbucks:
You’re totally at the Starbucks in the Rec because you’re about to work out. Mmmmhmmmm. This sugary cup of diabetes is just for energy, what’s the point of working out if you don’t have anything to burn? By the time you’re done with that Starbucks binge you’ll be stumbling like the blinding sheen of your own blonde hair blurred your vision.
Know anyone at one of these schools?
Refer a friend for a marketing job, get $100 if they’re hired!
Penn State – $300 Referral Bounty
Indiana – $300 Bounty
NC State – $300 Bounty
2.) Einstein Bagels:
Whether you need nourishment during your indentured servitude to Milner Library, or you’re really hungry for egg and sausage, Einstein has you covered. The added benefit is that you can tell yourself that the avocado bagel sandwich is so much healthier for you. Surely all the brainpower of studying will burn away all of those bagel carbs.
1.) The final resort: charity:
If all else fails you can turn to the dreaded source of all food evil on campus, Watterson Dining Center. Treat your whole dorm floor, or apartment complex to an all expense paid guest swipe into the world’s worst buffet. They can eat to their heart’s content and you can drain that account before ISU wipes it for you.
With a little motivation, and the appetite of a stress eating finals crammer you can use these 6 ways to destroy that Flex Dollar account harder than you’re currently destroying your GPA.
Oh hey, listen and subscribe to Talk of Shame: